PHORK

<img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/phonyheader_crayon.png" alt="the logo!"> ''Congratulations!'' You are a Phony! In the strange market of the [//Phictional//]<c1| realm, Jun D. took a portion of the profits from previous endeavors and some of his personal savings and invested them into a [//phactory//]<c2|. (click: ?c1)[I'm sorry, we're just going to do a lot of that gag around here.] (click: ?c2)[Yeah, really. We //ARE//.] ''The Cobbled Road'' You find yourself on a road made of cobble stones. The moment you look down, you notice your feet aren't exactly like you remembered them. HOOVES! You have hooves? Did you always have [hooves]<c3|? You appear to be an Earth Phony. (click: ?c3)[Writer's Note: Just so we're absolutely clear, most of everything from here on out may or may not be canon to the world. This whole thing is for fun and is intended as pure fun.] <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_1.png" alt="feets!"> [[Let's Get Started!|Get Going]] [[No way, I was something else before!|Part of Your World]] <a href="http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/t.67570571/" alt="Join us!" target="_blank">My Little Phony</a> and its logo(s) belong to Maxx and Jun D. This text adventure is for entertainment purposes only.

''On the Road Again'' Seeing no other choice but to move on, you follow the path from the world that you knew to the world you're about to know. You're barely even 50 yards from the place when you notice a lot of things all at once. First off, your senses are way better than what they used to be. Your ears are pitch perfect, your nose is picking up smells you were never able to before, and your eyes can see very clearly. You're an Earth Phony and shiny new. Secondly, walking with four feet is somewhat clumsy at first. After trying not to fall forward and land with your nose into the dirt, you notice something along the road. A sign post! <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_2.png" alt="Hmm, well that's helpful.Thanks."> Huh, well... [[Let's just look at this map, instead.|Look at the Map]] [[You'd rather just go home.|I Want to Go Home]]

''You Came Prepared!'' Someone out there must like you, it so happens that you had a map with you this whole time. (Who knew!?) <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_3.png" alt="Pretend there is a map here."> ''Let's pick a place to go!'' You use your magic map to guide you to all the various locations. [[Administration]] [[Stables]] [[Phony City]] [[Mountains]] [[Plains]] [[Forest]] [[The Lagoon]]

''//"Take a Look, It's in a Book!"//'' You have found a useful book on the subject of known species of Phony that are [//manphactured//]<c1| here in Phonyland. It's rather extensive and goes in at length without telling you //quite exactly// the process involved in creating each unique Phony individual. (click: ?c1)[Yup...] Probably because it's rumored that "The Admin" use some rather //shady// ways of using both science and alchemical concoctions to make a Phony in the first place. You skim through the boring bits and find there is detailed information on specific kinds of Phony. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_4.png"> ''Stable of Contents'' [["Phony Life Stages"|Life Stages]] [["The Various Styles"|Styles]] [["The Earth Phonies"|Earth Phony]] [["The Unicorn Phonies"|Unicorn Phony]] [["The Pegasus Phonies"|Pegasus Phony]] [["The Flutter Phonies"|Flutter Phony]] [["The Carousel Phonies"|Carousel Phony]] [["The Merphonies"|Mer Phony]] [[Get tired of reading and head back into town.|Phony City]]

''Earth Phony'' //"Earth Phonies are the dominant strain of Phonies, despite the lack of flight or magic ability to preserve them from predators..."// <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_5.png"> Wait? There are predators? Nothing so far ever mentioned there were things that could possibly //eat// you! You thought this was a safe, happy place! What sort of predators could there be in an artificial, controlled environment? //"This proves that Earth Phonies are very good at one thing, to be able to maintain such high numbers in relation to the other types..."// Well, that's obvious enough. //"Yes. They are very good at running."// Good to know! [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

//''Unicorn Phony''// You thumb (or rather [//hoof//]<c1|) through to the page for Unicorns, feeling that this ought to be interesting. (click: ?c1)[//Ah-ha haaa...//] //"Unicorn Phonies possess 'unicorn magic' - manifested through a sparkly glow around their horns. All unicorns possess the 'magic' of telekinetic manipulation of reasonably-sized objects, a skill more important than it sounds for a species without opposable thumbs (not that that's ever seemed to stop the other Phonies)."// <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_7.png"> Why was "magic" in quotations? There are so many footnotes (or rather [//hoofnotes//]<c2|) on the subject in great detail, but you decide you just want to get on to the best bits. (click: ?c2)[Just so you know, this isn't likely to stop any time soon.] //"NOTHING in Phonyland runs on magic, everything in Phonyland runs on pseudoscience."// What's "pseudoscience"? You mean like those strange advertisements you used to find at the back of those farmer's almanacs? Those ads selling "healing roots" and bottles of "holy water"? Or maybe they meant like comic book heroes, who gained their powers through gamma rays and psychic experimentation! Oh, that definitely sounds more exciting! [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

//''Pegasus Phony''// //"Pegasus Phonies can fly. That's all you need to know, because if you're into Pegasi, we had you at the word 'fly'. Or is that wings? Pegasus Phonies have wings...// <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_6.png"> These descriptions are starting to read like someone squirming to get away from a conversation! //"That's all you need to know. Pegasus Phonies are probably the rarest standard strain in Phonyland, as Pegasi wings are relatively difficult to manufacture…"// That pretty much settles the idea that Phonies are created artificially... but wait! What does that mean for you?? You don't remember much of anything until now! But... [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

//''Flutter Phony''// //"Flutters demonstrate that the universe is unfair. Look at them. Around 3/4ths the size of regular Phonies, they have impossibly long extremities, unusually large eyes, a subsidiary forehead cutie mark, and antennae/wing sets in three general varieties: ''bee, butterfly, and moth'' (other varieties are technically possible, but exceedingly uncommon and considered non-normative), colloquially referred to as Springwings, Summerwings and Winterwings (with Windywings a catch-all for others)...// Out of paranoia, you check your hooves and blink your eyes a bit. You lack any sort of wings, so you deduce you're simply an Earth Phony. //Phew...!// //"Flutter wings may be loosely based on actual lepidoptera or wildly imagined, but without exception are highly simplified, boasting just a few shapes on base colour where applicable, with unpatterned wings as Babbies; moth-wings are opaque, butterfly-wings translucent, and bee-wings transparent, with the occasional gradient..."// What the heck is a "Babby"? You think on it for a moment when the lightbulb between your ears flickers on. //OH! Babies!// //"Flutter cutie marks are also necessarily simple due both to subsidiary mark necessity and lack of rump-space. Unlike other-..."// It rambles on a bit about their looks and their markings. Your eyes kind of skim over this bit but snap right back into focus when they behold the most //alien// thing you've come across so far in this book! <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_11.png"> //"Flutter Newbabbens begin life as caterpillaresque infants, with six little nubs in place of legs on a tubular body. When they grow into Babbies, the top and bottom pair of nubs grow out into legs, and the middle pair traverse upwards to sprout wings from their shoulders. Flutter Phonies are considered a rare strain, third to Carousels and Alicorns."// What was seen cannot be unseen. You realize your mouth has fallen open and people are staring. [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

//''Carousel Phony''// Aberration, evolution, or secret promotional gimmick? Nobody knows. Carousel Phonies are a rare and unusual breed who seem to wander Phonyland in groups, often in circles, with a strange predilection to giving rides. Generally built a little bigger than the average Phony, all Carousel Phonies, where mare or stallion, possess feathered fetlocks, and tend towards sweeping manes and natural horse colours. Hmm. Like Flutters, they possess single-coloured hair by default, and even the rare streaked mane is restricted to similar hues. Carousel Phonies are overwhelmingly Earth in type, but the occasional Uni and Pegi do exist. Of course, their most striking feature is that, instead of a having a cutie mark, each Carousel Phony is characterised by a saddle-esque construct and a curious pad upon their necks...almost as if a pole were to emerge from it. While these constructs don't appear to have nerve endings, they are part of the Phony, and non-removable - presumably signifying their Purpose in Life as Carousel Phonies. Obviously, only Phonywear that don't interfere with the constructs can be worn by Carousel Phonies. Carousel Babbies start out with a standard saddle, with their permanent saddle design only apparent upon maturity. While the saddles tend to follow certain trends, like cutie marks no two permanent saddles are exactly alike, whether differing in elements, design, or colour. Carousel Phonies are considered the rarest strain in Phonyland, even more so than the Alicorns, and tend towards exceptionally few Babbens per breeding thanks to relative size. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_9.png"> [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

//''Merphony''// The average Merphony has the upper-body appearance of a Phony, and the lower-body appearance of a cetacean, surviving well both on land and underwater. They do not require wet environments to survive, but are generally more comfortable with at least regular soaks. Most Mers are small and compact - but there is also the occasional rare specimen with elongated proportions and more flexible tailfins, akin to a fish. These specimens are considered non-normative for the breed and incredibly rare. Some of these non-normative specimens may very rarely sport a long unicorn horn, akin to a narwhal - rarer yet. It is not inconceivable that there might be Mers that veer off the breed standard with different marine-creature tails, but if such variants exist, they are so exceptional that they are currently little more than myth. Like Flutters and Carousels, Merphonies possess single-coloured hair by default, but some may also normatively sport a single hair stripe of a different colour. Mers with single-coloured hair (no stripe) may rarely non-normatively sport a subtle gradient within their mane, at a much higher rate of chance than other breeds. The breed tends towards smooth, flowing manes, but exceptions do abound. Like Flutters, their cutie marks are relatively simple, due to the lack of rump-space thanks to the narrowing tail. Merphonies move freely underwater, but are limited by their tails on land. While they are welcome to propel themselves with their hooves and tail on land, most Mers would rather opt for smartwatch-sized devices strapped on each hoof that generate an opposing magnetic field to enable upright movement via hovering just above the ground, provided by Phonyland upon Mer request. Mer bodies and the usual range of Phonywear do not mix well - many prefer simply marine-themed accessories, such as kelp-ribbons or shell-necklaces, though those who live primarily on land may prefer usual Phonywear accessories that fit where they may. The natural habitat of Merphonies is the sizeable lagoon that borders the plains and forest of Phonyland, where underwater habitations can be custom-built to the Phony's desires, but many also simply choose to live in Phony City, with varying degrees of water-based furnishing solutions. For those who prefer a beachier atmosphere, the Barton shore is but a brief journey away from the theme park, and Merphonies are capable of living in both fresh and saltwater (i.e. the nanites function similarly in both 'cos otherwise a mix-up like that might be...kinda a bummer...X_x). While Phonyland protection does not extend outside of the theme park, all Phonies living outside Phonyland are welcome back for any necessary amenities/accessories (e.g. the hover devices described above for Merphonies) at any time. Mers are considered a rare strain, but also appear to be more numerous than Flutters, Carousels, and Alicorns - or maybe it's just easier to know where to look. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_8.png"> [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

//''Phony Life Stages''// //''"BLISTER PACK & NEWBABBEN'' (Almost) all Phonies start life in these iconic Blister Packs! It may appear to be an ordinary toy for now, still plastic, immobile, and decidedly not sentient - but inside the protective bubble a mysterious process is happening, fuelled by the arcane science of techno-organic engineering and nanites…"// Techno-WHAT!?? You take this time to study your own body again, glaring at your stomach and searching for a belly button. Oh, no! You have none! You rummage around on your stomach frantically, pushing your hairs this way and that. The people around you start to scoot away from you on the shared reading bench, mistakingly assuming you're sifting for fleas or are suffering some kind of mental breakdown. Others are hissing "shhh!" though all the noise your making is something like panting and snorting. Oh, there it is! You find your belly button, but it looks... sculpted?? Your palms would be sweating if you had palms. [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

''The Phonyland Public Library'' You seem to have found your way to the public library, by some stroke of good fortune. Here within these walls contains the whole (as far as you know) of Phonyland's knowledge. There are computer stations, charging stations, several large reading rooms, and even an open courtyard with a fountain. Further on you see a projection room connected to the main building by a covered walkway. There all the little Phonies can view archived films and some of the latest news and art related releases. You arrive at the periodicals first, a Phony librarian stamps at manilla check out cards idly before slipping them back into each book sleeve. Imagine, a place where high and low tech peacefully (so it seems) exist together! "May I help you?" the librarian looks up and asks. [["I'm looking for a book about Phonies."|Book of Known Phony Species]]

''Administration'' It's pretty heavily gated, but there's no guard or booth or anyone in sight no matter where you look. As far as you can see in either direction is an expanse of either dull gray brick wall or very heavy duty metal fencing lined along its top with coils of barbed wire. Golly! <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_14.png" alt="Another brick in the wall."> There is a bulletin board protected in a frame cased in shatterproof plexiglass and screwed with screws so heavy duty that it'd take the force of a nuclear attack to remove. Among the various bills and tourist type advertisements is a multi-paged roster of who is in charge along with their photographs. It's so rigid and formal it gives the appearance of a government dossier or a "Most Wanted" poster - it may be likely that's exactly what they are. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_P1.png" alt="Silent Quill"> "Silent Quill - Head of Operations - Directory Overseer - O.C.D." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_P2.png" alt="Fireflight"> "Fireflight - Phony Proposals Admin. - Cultural Attaché - The one you really should talk to." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_P3.png" alt="Ava Adore"> "Ava Adore - City Hall Admin. - Voted '100% Most Likely to Hate You'" <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_P4.png" alt="Prowl"> "Prowl - Police Officer - Kicks first, asks questions later." Who wrote this...? [[Drainage Grating]] [[Broken Bricks]] [[The Dumpster]] [[Let's just go somewhere else far away from here.|Look at the Map]]

''Be It Ever So Humble'' Having found your way to the Stables, you find they aren't really stables in a barn. It's a [//neigh-borhood//]<c1|! (click: ?c1)[I don't care, that made //me// laugh, soo...] Big houses, little houses, large estates... the majority of them are here. The small to medium houses are placed in designated subdivisions. The larger houses are atop hills, hidden in trees, or at the edge of phony-made ponds and lakes. This section of Phonyland is very large! There are little to no cars here, so the streets are plain and somewhat narrower than those in the city. Only the stray delivery truck or postphony truck swings by. There are garbage cans, but they appear to be perfectly square and affixed to something that looks like it sinks down somewhere underground. Post boxes are in every shape and size, some themed like their matching home. You swear you just saw a cucumber shaped box as you glanced about. [[Explore the neigh-borhood.|Stables 2]] [[Inspect a trash cube.|Trash Can]] [[You decide you've seen enough and walk to the city.|Phony City]]

''Take Me Out to the Paradise City'' A visitor entering Phonyland through the welcoming park gates will find that they open out into a small but complete Phony town, with all the amenities you may expect of [//modern civilization//]<c1|. (click: ?c1)[Cable television, recreational nanites, toilet paper, running water, pizza on delivery, sports channels, minigolf courses, cotton candy, burger joints, antihistamines, 24 hour pharmacies/liquor stores... That kind of thing.] <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_37.png" alt="the buildings are watching"> Off to a side are the Phony dormitories, colloquially referred to as the [[Stables]], where the Phonies, both owned and unowned, may be housed. Past the trappings of the concrete city, the rest of the park boasts natural landscapes for Phonies to roam free and seek adventure™! The city is absolutely bustling with life and activity! No one bothers you or is shocked by your presence as you marvel at how lively the city is. It's idyllic and it's quite obvious that most of the park funding goes back into keeping the public buildings as immaculate as possible. It looks like a genuine theme park where even the shops were part of the experience! Barber shops, bakeries, candy shops, ice cream parlors... even the pharmacies had windows dressed in friendly letters and the windows were spotless! How was it even possible? Even the pigeons here looked well behaved! The statues were devoid of bird droppings, which seem nothing short of miraculous. You sit yourself down at a park bench obviously designed for quadrupeds. Nex to you is a map that's been color coded and encased in a four-sided sign board. It's time to pick a place to visit! [[Stables]] [[Post Office]] [[Police & Fire Station]] [[Clinic & Pharmacy]] [[Phonyland Public Library]] [[Bus Station]] [[Train Station]] [[Bakery & Sandwich Shop]] [[Travel Agency]]

''Beware Falling Rocks'' It was quite a trek getting just to the region, it looks to be another great trek just to get to the base of the mountain. You have no provisions, no food, no weapons, and certainly no tools that would help you survive this region. It's not advisable that you go this way. But, hey, it's your adventure... [[You're not my mom!|Mountains 2]] [[You decide you'd rather be elsewhere.|Phony City]] [[Head into the forest, instead.|Forest]] [[Venture towards the plains.|Plains]]

''You Belong Among the Wildflowers'' You've found your way to the rolling plains of Phonyland. It's quite an expanse! You had no idea the admin were alloted so much land! You find that all the fauna that was missing in the other parts of the map seem to have found their way here. It's pretty much flat, open country. There are sparse trees and clusters of shrubs dotted here and there. Tall prairie grasses and sun loving plants grow here. There are seed birds, hawks, small deer and wild creatures here. Who knows if there are sentient! There may even be bison about, though you haven't seen any. Their source of water, it seems, comes from artificially placed watering holes. Presumably for travelers, the watering holes are modern outdoor faucets that feed into watering troughs. This is probably the safest source of water for miles around here. Greenery grows around the pipes where water spills or leaks from the area. Little sparrows help themselves to shallow puddles that form around one of the troughs. There's sounds of birds chirping and you think you can hear cicadas! This place is loaded with sounds and animals. [[Get some water to drink.|Plains 2]] [[Explore around the trough.|Plains 3]]

''Lost in a Forest'' You've managed to wind your way towards the forest. What you plan on accomplishing here is anyone's guess. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_34.png" alt="Lost in a forest all alone."> As is typical in a forest, it's loaded with trees. From where you are you can also head into the plains. If you can't contain your curiosity, I suppose you can keep exploring this area. [[Explore further into the forest.|Forest 2]] [[Venture towards the plains.|Plains]]

''I'd Like to Be Under the Sea'' You've found your way to the lagoon. A thin ring of land encircles a large stretch of saltwater. Merphonies live within and just outside the lagoon. It borders both the plains and the forest. You can see thin lines of trees from where you're standing. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_22.png" alt="the edge of the lagoon"> Along the outermost part here where the ring starts to form is a lonely lighthouse. It's currently not lit as it's day time, but it appears like a shining, white pillar topped with red. It's braced and deeply rooted into large rocks and a stout section of land. There are random marinas, boat houses, and little storage sheds along the inner part of the lagoon. Spots near the forest appear to be lined with vacation cabins and tourist trap spots peddling souvenir kitsch, plastic jewelry, keychains, and shirts. From where you stand it's an easy walk to one of the shops or cabins. Behind you is a rather shady looking drainage pipe that dumps gritty water into the lagoon. You wonder how park regulations are allowing this sort of things, as Merphony live in this part of Phonyland. [[Visit a tourist shop.|Tourist Shop]] [[Head straight to the cabins.|Lagoon Cabins]] [[Head to the lighthouse.|Lighthouse]] [[Decide to hike it towards a road and head to the city.|Phony City]]

''The Various Styles'' It appears that other Phonies made here come in various forms. There are illustrations that indicate the known varieties. ''Brush 'N' Grow'' "Adopted from the G1 lexicon, //Brush 'N' Grow// (BnG) indicates hair that is officially acknowledged as longer than usual on a Phony, whether simply past knee/hoof, or twice the length of the Phony itself." ''Twinkle Eye'' "Adopted from the G1 line, //Twinkle Eye// Phonies have eyes that resemble gemstones. For all intents and purposes, they function exactly like any ordinary eyes." ''Twice-as-Fancy'' "Adopted from the G1 lexicon, //Twice-as-Fancy// (TaF) by Phonyland standards apply to any non-main-Cutie Mark marking, including real-life horse markings." ''Draft'' "Draft Phonies refer to the specific male Phonies that are especially large and burly, akin to draft horses." ''Feathered Fetlocks'' "Feathered Fetlocks is commonly used to refer to the style of hoof where there is a hoof visibly discernable from the main body of a Phony, beyond visible fur (although the term technically refers to the fur). Adopted from the G1 line sensibilities." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_10.png"> You spend a moment compulsively comparing your own body to the images. Other phonies stare. [[Go back a few pages.|Book of Known Phony Species]]

''I Want to Be Me Again!'' You decide that you MUST have been something other than a Phony before. That is the only explanation that makes sense to you at the moment. The Admin area is technically off limits and heavily gated, but you feel that there's no other choice but to get in there somehow! There are several options to try. Who knows what could happen, though! [[Sneak into Administration.|Administration]]

''There's No Place Like Home'' You want to go home. But where is home? Did you even have a home? You don't know the answer but you feel that finding where your home is will give you some clue as to who you are and why you can't seem to remember anything. You can't retrace your steps because as far as you know, your first steps were here at this road! There's a sign post to look at where you're standing. The map said there were designated stables and homes for Phonies who live in the area. You at least know you're an Earth Phony and so you are most likely to live in one of those houses. Maybe someone there can help! [[To the Stables!|Stables]]

''Dirty Deeds'' You look down along the walls and see a large rodent scuttle out from a bit of bent grating. Eerie sounds can be heard coming from it as you approach it. You bend forward awkwardly to get a look inside. It's black as pitch but you can hear the sound of water moving and machinery somewhere way below. You //could// try to remove it and slink down below. Perhaps you can find a way to sneak in and take a self-guided tour. There's no one around to really stop you... [[Pull the grating off.|Sewer Entrance]] [[There's got to be another way!|Administration]] [[On second thought, this whole idea doesn't sound very good.|Look at the Map]]

''This is Disgusting'' There's a strange, thin film of who-knows-what coating the inside of this tunnel-like passage. There are sickly red security lights flickering off and on, perhaps from whatever muck this is seeping into the electrical works. You can hear the whir of... pumps? Motors? And something like water rushing somewhere. Your exposed, totally unprotected hooves are in a two centimeter layer of... something. It's wet, glossy, and for some reason highly reflective. You can almost see your reflection in the dim, crimson light. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_16.png" alt="A phony looking into the muck."> You can go back or press on. At this point, it could get really dangerous. There is a tunnel to the left of you, with little to no light and a tunnel to the right of you, with one stray white light and some signs with words you can't quite make out from this distance. [[Yeah, no...|Administration]] [[Take the left tunnel.|Left Sewer Tunnel]] [[Take the right tunnel.|Right Sewer Tunnel]]

''Into the Great Not-So-Wide Open'' You pick a direction, inspecting the long wall for any signs of weakness. It's amazing! No bills glued onto any part of it, nor signs that any were ever placed. It looks like it could be miles long. There are very few obvious security cameras, despite the high security look of the place. Scattered sparsely, there are security lights budding from tiny solar panels along the top edge of the wall. You see no guards, no traffic, and it's almost painfully quiet. When you stop to look around, you finally spy some crumbling mortar. There are some broken bricks! Determined to find out what's beyond the wall, you give one of the bricks a test tug. It gives! You manage to actually pull out enough bricks out that you could just barely squeeze through. No one's been by, at all, no sirens have started up. This is a cinch! Leaving a rather messy, gritty pile of bricks behind you, you push your head through and look around. Well, it's no "Willy Wonka" factory, but everything about the cluster of buildings you see before you indicates very much that it is, indeed, the Phonyland phactory. [[Look for anyone before going in.|Look Around]] [[Change your mind and get out.|Administration]]

''Alley Cat Strut'' Traveling a ways from the signs and posters, you see that there's a dumpster all by its lonesome. Clearly the only place that appears to have any sort of contact a day or two out of the week. "Pickup: 3pm / Wednesday," it says printed on the dumpster itself. "All items must be double bagged," it orders. "NO MAGNETS! No liquids unless placed in sealed containers, double bagged. Any and all materials placed in this receptacle are scheduled for incineration." Your curiosity is getting the better of you. You have this urge to see what could possibly be so dangerous that's being placed in such a dumpster. Maybe it's this far out for a reason. Maybe it's got top secret stuff that the factory doesn't want you to find out about. [[Peek in the dumpster.|Dumpster 2]]

<img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_13.png"> ''Congratulations!'' You have died! Hoora-! Oh, wait... You're dead?? You mean, you actually found a way to kill yourself? Oh, dear. //OH, DEAR, INDEED.// <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_12.png" alt="I can't take a step, without seeing Mr. Death."> Your "ghost" looks up at what appears to be Death, but it's really [a skeletal horse in a black cloak]<c1|. He's holding a large scythe and standing on his hind legs looking down on you. This guy's pretty tall and the sockets of his eyes have a bright blue glow that seems like you're seeing into the universe way, way off in the distance. This all seems vaguely familiar, but how could it be?? (click: ?c1)[It's nanites, you know...] //YOU MUST THINK YOURSELF VERY CLEVER. YOU HAVE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO FIND A WAY TO... HOW SHALL I PUT THIS? BECOME UNMADE.// But unlike the Grim Reapers in the stories we're all accustomed to, he pulls out a... handheld device. It looks something of a small tablet that levitates in front him, having a little set of black bird's wings on its little mechanical back. //WE'VE MODERNIZED THESE PAST FEW EONS. THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF THE UNIVERSE REQUIRES SOME BALANCING AS OF YET. I FIND THAT THE USE OF A TABLET IS BOTH SO LIKELY AND UNLIKELY THAT IT REALLY MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ANYONE ELSE IF I HAVE ONE OR NOT.// You just lie there, looking up at him with wide eyes as he rambles on and paws through the various apps on his device. It makes strange, distorted crow calls as he approves and slides out of various applications. //LET ME SEE... AH, YES. YOU ARE NOT SCHEDULED FOR THE ARCHIVE OR DEACTIVATION FOR A LOOOONG TIME YET. HOW VERY FORTUNATE YOU ARE MADE IN SUCH A WAY THAT YOUR SIGNATURE IS STORED ON A CLOUD. SOME CALL IT HEAVEN, SOME CALL IT HELL. I CALL IT A RATHER GOOD MOVE.// He casually walks away from you as you've not moved or made any sort of noise. //I'VE CORRECTED ANY DISCREPANCIES YOU MAY HAVE CREATED DURING THIS TRIAL PERIOD. YOU'LL RESPAWN WHEN THE NEXT BATCH OF NANITES ARE FED THROUGH THE SYSTEM. YOUR CURRENT BODY IS TOO FAR GONE. WHEN LAST I LOOKED, YOU WERE BEING PICKED APART BY RODENTS. WHEN YOU ARRIVE, PLEASE FILL OUT THE SURVEY YOU'LL RECIEVE IN THE MAIL. I'D APPRECIATE A FIVE STAR RATING, IF YOU'D BE SO KIND.// You finally manage to find a voice in your ethereal throat, but the moment you open your mouth the Reaper disappears and you are thrown back into into reality! [[Back to reality!|The Cobble Road]]

''What I Am Is What I Am'' Your head is spinning, trying to figure out where you are and who exactly is here with you. You can't quite make any of it out. The air is absolutely frigid in here, wherever "here" is. You hear the sound of tapping on keys and the clicking of a disapproving tongue. "I don't really know what possessed you to even go on such an excurs- Oh... Oh, my." You're not certain if that's a good or a bad "oh,my". Pulling yourself up you let your eyes stop spinning in your skull deciding what to do next. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_18.png" alt="Where are you?"> [[Ask after that "oh, my".|Ask Admin]] [[Take a good look around.|Look Admin]]

''Who the what??'' "Who said that?" you ask, pulling yourself together. "I did," was all that you hear. "You weren't cleared for ascension, but here you are. That's very interesting." Could they possibly be any more vague? Best not to tempt them. From a very high platform, a figure lowers itself down from what seems to be an endless tower, a single light shines from an unknown source way up too high to see. Before you stands Silent Quill, surrounded by a series of floating screens. It's really quite futuristic in here. You are in not-quite-so-total darkness, your eyes adjust and you realize you're in what looks to be a very tall, round building. You look up from where Silent Quill descended from and see a console and monitoring station. Lights in red, cyan, and green flicker on flat panels and more floating projections. You take a good look at Silent Quill. Silent Quill is just as grey as his profile photograph. Unfortunately, he is an academic by nature and resents the time his unwanted job wrests from his research. Silent Quill is a *"Brush 'N' Grow"* Unicorn, but few ever see the ludicrous lengths his mane and tail extend to. "This is my office," Silent Quill says as you look around. You glance at him. "Well, one of many," he adds. "I get bored of the asthetic, then switch to the one in the woods, then the lagoon, the city... you get the idea. I have an office in every sector." [["What do you mean by 'ascension'?"|Question 1]] [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]]

''Take a Good Look'' "This is a converted missle silo," Silent Quill explains. "It was, quite strangely, already here when we bought this location. So we turned it into a large office. The walls were retrofit with storage and noise reduction. Part of the reason it's so cold and dry is it keeps out all those nasty allergens, the dust, and our digital data is kept comfortable. Technology doesn't always enjoy the heat." You make towards the walls, not waiting for an invitation to exit the building. "Oh, you won't find the door," he says as you explore. [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]]

''Daddy, Daddy, Get Me Out of Here'' For some inexplicable reason, you take the dimly lit left tunnel. Your sense of adventure may have been confused for your lack of common sense. Only time will tell. This place is colder than the main entrance. There is significantly less light and whatever film was covering the floor of the main entrance is growing increasingly thicker here. If there are any sounds, they seem to be growing fainter in here. The line of red lights are getting further and further apart. You have no light of your own, since you're not a Unicorn. You wait for your eyes to adjust as best as they can. Fortunately, you were made with near perfect vision. After a time you see there are some objects along the wall. There is an unlocked, mounted metal box with fading letters. Upon closer inspection, you manage to make out the lettering: "Door Release". You have no idea what door it's refering to, as you don't see anything near. You open the box and see one of those large flipping metal levers like you once saw in an old movie. It's a large, square shaped metal switch with a handle, its lower edges would touch contacts below if switched on. [[Pull the lever, Kronk!|Sewer Door Release]] [[Change your mind and go back.|Sewer Entrance]]

''Somewhat Safer'' This is the somewhat safer passage of the two, it seems. A single white light looks significantly newer and recently maintained amongst the chaos of red security lights and glossy muck. As you move along, there are large pipes that have various labeled valves, levers, and color codes. There is a faded chart, indicating everything each valve does. There's yellow ones for pressure, green ones for temperature adjustments, and red ones for emergency. There are other colors, but they aren't labeled on the chart, at all. You look on ahead and the sound of rushing water grows louder and louder. The air smells cooler and cleaner here, probably because there's actual movement. The muck stops right at the end of this path and is nowhere near where the sound of water goes. [[Head towards the sound.|Sewer Water]] [[Change your mind and go back.|Sewer Entrance]]

''"WHOOSH!!"'' You jump about a foot in the air as a hidden door instantly pulls backwards inches from the switch and slides with the sound of concrete against concrete and that strange film of slime pulls away like cold bands of cobweb. The sound it makes as it snaps away from the wall is making your mane stand on end. Not much more light is made available to you as the doorway practically inhales. This room had been tightly sealed for some time! The inside is dry, cold, and there's not even cobwebs or signs that anything alive had managed to get in since it was sealed. It's loaded with storage lockers and shelves, but you can't make out what's on them without first stepping in. [[Investigate the shelves.|Sewer Shelves]] [[Better not to mess with anything.|Left Sewer Tunnel]]

''Jiggle the Handle'' You head towards the sound of water. From a fine mesh grate, water rushes through. In intervals, some barely seen movement sifts stray objects too large for the mesh and pushes it somewhere unknown. This must be some sort of reclamation facility. The water seems clean enough, it certainly has to be cleaner than the mysterious substances you traipsed through to get here. You're almost tempted to wash your hooves in it and wipe your face. Almost. Then you see the things being pushed aside by unseen, mechanical arms. There's actually quite a lot of little bits of detritus being moved away and down into something unseen behind the mesh. The rest of the water flows freely down in one direction, gravity and momentum pushing it along. There's a groove in the floor here, casually guiding the water. From there, it seems to stop suddenly and vanish. You didn't seem to notice the heavily shielded digital timer or clock near the grate. But now it is very much the object of your attention as the whirling light above it turns on, flashes yellow-orange light every which way, and a gate hidden in a slat starts to close behind you from where you came! It moves too quickly to escape back out of it again. The gate moves along and you realize it seals itself and there's a strange sucking noise as a vacuum makes doubly sure no water goes beyond this section. More and more water seems to pour out from the mesh and the path that gently led water down is gradually forcing water to move in one inevitable path - OUT AND DOWN! [[Fight against it and find a way to stop it.|Stop Water]] [[Cry out for help.|Sewer Help]]

''Who'll Stop the Rain?'' You do your best to fight against the ever increasing flow of water. Like it or not, you're being coated in this quasi-treated water. From what's been bashing itself against your face and mouth, it tastes pretty clean. Every now and then, a fleck of something that feels like a tiny pebble flicks against your pelt and tumbles away. Your vision becomes increasingly blurred as you move towards the timer or clock that set the whole chain of events off. It all must be automated, there is no way to get inside the thing and look for a switch. No lock and no latch, it's just a completely covered device. Who the heck would even read the thing as it's going off? Well... you did, but that's not the point. Safety was clearly not priority in this section of the sewer. The water's getting worse and you find your whole body is moving towards the direction everything else in this room is - away! You are suddenly whisked into a large, enveloping rush of water and pushed further and further. There's nothing you can do at this point but let the thing flush you away. You take a last, large gasp of air and then...! [[No other way but down!|The Pipe]]

''I Need Somebody!'' "Help! Help!" you cry but who besides you would even be down here? It was ill advised to go down here without anyone else knowing you were here and now look what's going on! You're going to drown! The water rises ever higher, from your hooves to your ankles, then from the ankles to the tops of your limbs. Ever higher, you can barely stay in place. The water is loud, rythmic and shoving you towards something unseen that you suspect is a rather unpleasant, sudden drop! There are very few choices available to you now! I mean... you could just die if you were really keen on the idea. Or you could accept the fact that you're going to be flushed away like toilet water. [[No other way but down!|The Pipe]] [[Fight to the last!|Death]]

''Down Came the Rain'' You blacked out momentarily, having very nearly run out of air and drowned. You emerge from your ordeal looking like a ragdoll, pushed onto the sands of what appears to be the end of a drainage pipe. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_17.png" alt="And washed the spider out."> The water has slowed down significantly from here and the sheer amount of water that pushed you through seems to also have cushioned your landing. This was the world's worst water slide. You cough, sputter, and push yourself up with your forelegs. In a soggy sort of a sit, you let your head stop spinning momentarily as your senses readjust. There are bits of whatever got missed by the sorting mesh littered all about the edge of this pipe. You can do nothing else but stare at it numbly. You push it a bit with your hoof and it does nothing. It looks almost like a plastic, bit broken up and jagged. You lose interest in it as the sound of laughing gulls fills your ears. [[Where are you?|The Lagoon]]

''What've We Got Here?'' The more you investigate, the more you piece together that this is some sort of armory! Who the devil would put an armory in a s-!? Mid-thought, you slowly turn and focus on a large poster. It was obviously intended for trained personnel. It's blandly colored, with no cheer on it whatsoever. Obviously not meant for anything motivational, the black icons representing eviscerated... monsters? And Phony soldiers(?) being flung about and picked apart in thick black silhouettes like the sort you see in fire escapes and air ports only far more sinister. "BEWARE!" It says in large, unfriendly letters. "SAFETY IS OUR GOAL," it goes on. "DO NOT ENGAGE ENEMY WITHOUT PROPER GEAR, NEVER DEPLOY GAS UNLESS ALL PERSONNEL ARE MASKED," with less than charming images of Phonies in little black helmets choking to death. Horse's skulls and crossbones over a range of chemical symbols indicate just how deadly the items in this storage room actually are. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_15.png" alt="RAWR"> Other posters near lockers show in what order to put on gear. This was clearly meant for new and old employees alike, soldiers would have had to have this stuff memorized without "cheat sheets". So not only was this for untrained soldiers, this was something that happened enough to warrant a large cache of items in a bit of currently uninhabited sewer pipe. Everything is under very tight lock and key, there's no real way you could take anything with you. Even the posters are in sealed plastic cases, perhaps to keep them from deteriorating. [[Head back out, shutting the room back up behind you.|Leave Sewer Room]]

''Let's Get Away'' You decide to leave the room, this section of sewer, and the pipe altogether. Smart move! What's not so smart is you're tracking whatever it was from the sewer all around the grating where you entered from at [[Administration]]. You can't help but get the feeling that something or someone is watching you, but when last you looked there wasn't a soul about. Looking again, you spy suddenly something about the size of a dime. A camera hole! A tiny lens spies you from a sign post. You look around again, another embedded in a brick along the all! And yet another near a disused post box! What originally seemed like an endless wall with wire is more like a field of hidden eyes. Had they seen you? Were those cameras always on or only when someone was there? There's really no way of telling from here. [[Broken Bricks]] [[The Dumpster]] [[Let's just go somewhere else far away from here.|Look at the Map]]

''Stop! Hey, what's that sound?'' You decide to take a look around before continuing inside the complex. Just like the exterior of the area, there's not a soul about the place here. If Prowl was about, there was no trace of them. Which is just as well, because if she finds you you'll most likely be tasered, stomped upon, and dragged by your back legs into a stockade. Even so, it's best not to leave things to chance. You wait a while and listen. There's not even bird song in this place. No trees, no plants of any kind. Just solar panels on every available roof surface and large, unlit stadium-styled lights. A single one of those lights could probably illuminate a whole city block and yet there were at least four or five that you could see at any given time. Needless to say, if anyone really wanted to, they could completely light up the whole facility and it could most likely be seen from space! That's not the only thing that seems oddly excessive here, your eyes fall upon buildings with massive doors. They have locks that look like the kind you see in banks. Massive, spinning wheels with spokes instead of door handles. And some sort of blinking panel at every door, accompanied by a matching, highly visible camera. [[Approach a door.|Factory Door]] [[Wander the facility.|Factory Exterior]]

''Knock Knock Knockin''' You decide to approach a factory door, if nothing else than to marvel at how excessively huge it is! It's like something meant to hold giant monsters or a tremendous amount of gold and treasure. It's got multiple levers, gears, spinning wheels with handles like something off a pirate's ship and all of it in something that looks like steel but is probably a million times stronger. And on top of all *that*, there seems to be a key and number pad for what looks like a retina, hoof, and card key scan. This is real heavy duty stuff! It's brushed and shiny, like no one has even touched it since it was first installed. [[Punch a few random buttons on the number pad.|Factory Door 2]] [[Decide to leave it and look around the exterior.|Factory Exterior]]

''Concrete Jungle'' The exterior of the facilty is bland. I mean, really bland. No decorative plants and nothing that even seems to indicate there's any kind of staff that wanders the place, at all. No trash cans, no parks or benches. No real walkway, just a series of winding paths that are merely the gaps between buildings. It's eerie, quiet, and you feel like even though there's no one here, someone is going to come bursting out from behind a corner and do something loud and dreadful. Nothing and no one seems to even appear no matter how many corners you go around. It's pretty easy to get lost in all of this. In fact, you *are* lost in all of this. It's a good few hours until you find the way you got in so you can leave again. [[Exit this horrible place.|Administration]]

''You've got Mail!'' It's a remarkably large post office, you notice, as you venture towards it. Many uniformed Phonies with [hoof trucks]<c1| carting about boxes upon boxes of paper mail and packages. (click: ?c1)[It's like a hand truck, but for hooves!] No one seems to notice or care that you're there looking at it all. The post office's wide doors are open, the walls are grey brick with large, wide windows of laminated glass allowing you to see inside. You can see walls of post office boxes and lines of Phonies getting and sending their mail. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_35.png" alt="the post office"> It's not surprising to see shipping trucks from various private and corporate companies picking up and dropping off packages. It must be some sort of busy season, there are lots of packages decorated in festive designs. If you knew your name and address, you could go in and ask if you had mail. Since you've got neither, there's not really much to do here. You sigh and start looking lost as to what to do or where to go next when you hear a voice from inside one of the trucks. "Need a lift, kid?" says the voice from within. The windows are rolled down and you peer in. "If you need a lift, I'm offerin'. I'm done for the day. I can take ya to the Police station or the Clinic since they're both on my way." [["Sure," you say, opening the door.|Shipping Truck]] [["No, thanks, I'm okay with walking."|Post Office 2]]

''Stop in the Name Of Love'' You arrive at the Phonyland Police and Fire Station. It's a complex of buildings, the most obvious it the fire station with three large garages for the fire trucks. There are burly Phonies rolling up firehose and taller, more agile ones inspect the ladders and ropes. Every now and then, you see Phonies dressed in EMT or police uniforms go by. "Well, howdy!" says a voice beside you. "You lost, buckaroo?" <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_47.png" alt="buckaroo"> "Buckaroo?" you look and see a very tall, burly looking stallion standing next to you. "You're serious?" "What's wrong with that?" he shrugs. "What can we do ya for?" [["I need help, I've lost my memory," you say.|PF Station 2]]

''Was this trip really necessary?'' You walk to the bus station, on account of not having any money. You're not quite sure of what you'll find there, but maybe there's a chance someone there can help you provide some clues as to where you are in relation to the rest of reality. The bus station is just as prim and proper looking as the rest of the city. It's a large building in red brick with white wooden trim and columns holding up a bit of roof intended to protect from the rain and snow. "Phonyland Public Transit" is placed along the top of the roof in black, cheerful letters. The total *lack* of vagabonds, beggars, and street vendors is almost obnoxious. But there is a Phony Unicorn ringing a bell using his magic. He's standing next to a purple donation bucket with a single, large money slot capping it. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_24.png" alt="the unicorn"> "Thank you, Happy Holidays! Thank you, Happy Holidays!" he cries, stopping only to adjust the purple festive hat on his head. It's tipped with three silver jingle bells and jingles whenever he nods. [["Excuse me, what are you doing?"|Ask the Unicorn]] [[Go inside the bus station.|Bus Station Interior]] From here, you can go to the: [[Post Office]] [[Police & Fire Station]] [[Clinic & Pharmacy]] [[Phonyland Public Library]] [[Train Station]] [[Bakery & Sandwich Shop]] [[Travel Agency]]

''The Blood Test'' Having discovered no way to figure out your identity, you arrive at the Clinic and Pharmacy in hopes someone here could possibly help you figure out who you are. "How can I help you?" the receptionist at the front desk asks you. "I've completely lost my memory and I've no clue who I am," you say, not expecting to be believed. "Okay, well, you'll still have to fill out at least part of this paperwork," she says, not skipping a beat. "Here you are." It's not long before you're sitting awkwardly in an uncomfortable seat and ill equipped for filling out papers of any kind. Pen and clipboard in hoof, you fill out what little information you can... <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_54.png" alt="the doctor's office"> "Reason for today's visit: LOST MEMORY." You can't really fill out the things like "Name" or "Age". Not even anything in the medical history. They'll have to help you fill out things like weight and height, you've got no clue. You sigh and hand it back to the receptionist. "Okay, it'll be a few minutes before a nurse comes to get you," the receptionist says. She takes the clipboard and sets it down before going back to her typing. You go back to your seat looking rather dejected. You can't tell if anyone here is even taking you seriously. Though, they haven't kicked you out yet. [[There's a call for "No name who lost their memory".|ClPh 2]]

''The Last Train to Phonyland'' The Phonyland train station is more amusement park than anything else. It's loaded with themed, narrow restaurants, clothing shops, luxury goods, apothecaries, tea shops, and imports from all over the world and curated specifically for Phonies. Clothing and accessories on cloth and wooden Phony shaped mannequins invite people into every other shop. There's quite a lot of activity here! Visitors and Phonies alike are boarding and exiting the train station platforms. You swear you saw a kid with a caged owl on his trolley just go by. The oddest thing by far is seeing humanoids amongs the visitors! Anthropomorphic and four legged creatuers alike are bustling about, carrying various parcels and luggage. Watching it all, it's hard to determine what era you're even in! It could be anywhere from the 1950's to the distant 2020's! Some folks are on cellphones, but others are quite happy to employ the use of [//phanciful Phrench styled phones//]<c1| to call a friend or business. There are also a multitude of free to the public telephone booths. (click: ?c1)[It's been a while, I couldn't help myself.] It's all so strangely accomodating. No one seems fazed by any of it except you. People at the ticket booths are exchanging various currencies for tickets in and out of Phonyland. There's a map of various train routes through Gaia and into Phonyland. At least you know where you are now, more or less. [[Head into the phone booths.|Phone Booths T1]] [[Maybe you'd better try the bus, instead.|Bus Station]] [[Meander back to the city.|Phony City]]

''Bake Me a Cake'' You enter one of the numerous baker's shops. This one just happens to also be a sandwich shop, offering a small deli alongside its various baked goods. It seems to specialize in bread made from various grains and one particular kind of bread seems to be a magnificent shade of green. "Hullo!" says the cheerful voice of the shops owner and only employee. "M'name's Cherpumple! How can I help ya?" [["Do you know anything about missing identities?"|BSS 1]] [["What's that green bread there?"|BSS 2]] [["Just looking, I don't have any money."|BSS 3]]

''Phonyland Travel Agency'' "Your Destination is Always to Adventure!" claims the signs and billboards, all the way to the Phonyland Travel Agency. "Affordable airfare and accommodations! Phonyland's Phinest!" The pictures look like stock photography, the faces and smiles on each picture look vacant and a little too happy. It's somewhat patronizing and heading quickly towards spooky. The clear destination here is Uncanny Valley, you think. There are a plethora of travel agents in little open door offices. Posters and free standing signs with names, customer service awards, gold star rating plaques, and name plates are staggered all over the walls. The carpet here is even given a "vacation-y" kind of flair with red, green, and gold in a hibiscus motif. Clearly Corporate felt that "tropical paradise" was the sort of thing that inspired people to travel. Representatives have their otherwise bland and boring offices decorated with hanging straw hats, paper flower necklaces, and the desks are dressed in tissue paper grass skirts. A tiki inspired glass filled with themed pens and pencils sits on a desk with matching business cards, kitschy souvenirs with agency logos in a wicker basket, and a pile of brochures. They're really pushing this tropical getaway thing. Unless you have money, there's not really much you can do around here. You *could* let them sell you on a trip to someplace far off, but the moment they realize you're broke, you'll be out the door. [[Head back to the main part of the city.|Phony City]]

''Temptation'' "Excuse me, what are you doing?" you ask the Unicorn. "I'm part of a charity organization, it's all volunteer," the Unicorn explains. "Every coin, bill, and check goes towards food and clothing for Phonies in need." You watch Phonies going to and from the station. As they pass, they drop in spare change. You finally get a good look at what the local currency looks like. The coins are quite exaggerated and they have a "heads" and the "tails" are actually horse's tails. The faces on the coins are that of admin and various Phony heroes. There's "TACO the Extravagant", "Prowl the Absolute", and "Noel the Ornate" to name a few. [[Try to take the donation money.|Unicorn Donations]] [[Shrug and head into the station.|Bus Station Interior]]

''Hop on the Bus, Gus'' You enter the bus station. It's a large, open interior with shiny, waxed marble floors and the whole of the back is lined with ticket sales, schedules on flat monitors, and travel agency booths. You don't have any money on you for a bus ticket, so you take a look around instead. There's a small food court with a little cafeteria. Phonies push their trays along a metal track as food servers offer small things like cold sandwiches, cups of soup, fruit, pies, cakes, cookies, and coffee. Bottles of juice, water, and soda are provided via vending machines. It makes you regret not having a single coin to your name. Along another side is a small play area for active, impatient children. There are two arcade game kiosks and a pinball machine not far from that. Other Phonies sit quietly in waiting chairs, positioned down low for [pholks with phour pheet]<c1|. (click: ?c1)[Ha ha, sorry, not sorry!] There is a column containing four old school, landline telephones and paper directories. [[Check out the travel agency booths.|Travel Agency Booths]] [[Inspect the telephones.|Phone Booths]]

''Talk of Ascension'' "What do you mean by 'ascension'?" you ask, trying to keep warm. "You weren't really scheduled for enlightenment, either," the voice says. "But I suppose since you're already here..." Silent Quill stops suddenly. Having no fingers (or, in fact, hands) of his own, he conjures up a ghostly hand that snaps its fingers and the sound echoes in the tall room. Instantly, an interactive hologram keyboard appears and a second ghostly hand comes to assist the second one in typing. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_29.png" alt="take a letter, Maria"> "Take a note, Jazz," he says to them collectively. "'Day 1 of Rebirth, Subject has somehow managed to find way to Administration. Not only found way inside the complex, but managed to be apprehended and placed in my office. Prowl has been very swift in Subject's delivery, efficient as ever." [["What is ascension and what do you mean by enlightenment?" you insist.|Question 1P2]] [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]] [["Am I 'Subject'?"|Question 5]]

''The Principal's Office'' "How did I even get here?" you call into the darkness. "You were reborn into a Phony. Your conscious self or soul was placed into a new form. Just an Earth Phony, you're the first among many in our latest project. But, as I said, your ascension wasn't scheduled for another six months. We'll have to revise that on the next staff meeting..." [["What do you mean by 'ascension'?"|Question 1]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]]

''I Really Wanna Know'' "Who are you?" you ask, still dizzy and feeling colder. "You don't recognize me from my poster?" Silent Quill quirks his brow at you. "Head of Operations, it reads. Directory Overseer." He waits for you expectantly, but you give no answer. "Not ringing any tiny bells?" Silent Quill manages the slightest hint of a smile. "I'm the other half of this so-called operation. The one who's not all that keen on making public appearances, forever lost in bureaucracy. You'd think in this digital world, we'd let go of all the paper." While you're both standing there, he receives an incoming message. Before you can even read it, he's responded to it via what looks like telekinesis and sends it on its way. A little flutter Phony hologram whinnies and takes a rolled scroll away with a single zoom around Silent Quill's head. He gives you a sideways glance. "I'm rather proud of that," he says. "I like visuals." You stand there, just as lost as ever. Silent Quill gives a tired sigh. "I'm Silent Quill," he says finally. "I'm the other boss. For a most ample 'MOSTLY' I do the things behind the scenes. I am the stallion behind the curtain. Fireflight says 'stud behind the curtain', but I keep insisting that's sending the wrong message." [["What do you mean by 'ascension'?"|Question 1]] [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]]

''We Gotta Get Outta This Place'' "How do I get out of here?" you ask, moving around to look for some sort of exit. "You don't get out until I let you out," Silent Quill says. "Given this turn of events, I think we'd better equip you and all *future* reborn subjects with a... kit, perhaps? Yes, we'll equip you with some money..." A ghostly set of hands starts writing out a holographic note with an equally ghostly pad of paper and pencil. "Some money, assigned home, and I think a hard bound copy of the requirements for a cutie mark. Hmmm, a bit like a certain game I know... Perhaps I'm the one called Nook." Silent Quill seems to be talking more to himself than to you. A small, actual paper printer is lowered from a tiny shelf and robotic arm. It's already printing out what looks to be some kind of voucher. "You're still not scheduled for ascension, by the way. Don't expect anything else for free after this. If you fail, you fail. Phony jail is Prowl's realm and since you two have met before, I'm sure *that* second date will go over well." He takes the sheet from the printer and gives it to you. "Don't lose this," he advises. "You'll not be given *any* more information on your current path of existence. Don't bother looking, you'll not find a thing and no other Phony in Phonyland will even know what you're even talking about. If you try this again, your memory will be wiped. We'll erase as much as is needed. As many times as it takes." [["What do you mean by 'ascension'?"|Question 1]] [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [[Take the piece of paper and move on.|The End]]

''One Pill Makes you Larger'' "Am I 'Subject'?" you blurt, as the pair of hands called Jazz types. Jazz also types that by mistake, it stops and shakes both hands vigorously before deleting that part again and starting over. "Hold," Silent Quill says to the ghostly hands. "Yes, for the time being that's what we've been calling you. Just 'Subject' as you're the first one to be brought in this way. Most of the time, individuals start off with one of many available template artificial intelligences. You had a core of knowledge and behaviors already in place, so we simply removed-" He stops to note the hazy look forming in your eyes. Silent Quill rolls his own eyes and shakes his head. "We fixed you," he abbreviates. [["What do you mean by 'ascension'?"|Question 1]] [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]]

"But what is ascension and what do you mean by enlightenment?" you insist. Silent Quill sighs, eyes searching out at nothing to find the right way to talk to someone left quite so in the dark. "I told him this was a bad idea," he says out to no one. "But when you have all access to very high technology, there's going to be games of 'Mad Scientist'. You see, this was part of a rehabilitation program. Well, *you* are part of a rehabilitation progam. You were a very *lousy* human, so you were given two choices." Silent Quill stops to call up a holographic series of panels before your own head. One is a picture of your former, human self. All your information on name and age have been removed, but your birthday and what looks like a crime sentence is listed. "Fireflight proposed a chance for doomed criminals to seek redemption to the local Gaian government outside of Phonyland," Silent Quill says. "So believe it or not, you were a criminal sentenced to life, if not a death, sentence. Barton itself is laid back and so Fireflight took it as an opportunity." It's clear you're not going to get any kind of answer as to what "ascension" is. [["What opportunity?"|Question 1P3]] [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]]

As quickly as Silent Quill brought it, he takes it away. The projections flicker off. "You were spawned, so to speak, on the cobble road. All previous memories have been wiped, that was the condition to your rebirth. You agreed to it," he mentions. "The moment you went through the conversion process, your previous life was forfeit. Your past self was marked as deceased and you were given a tomb stone, you've get to discover your new name and look here..." Silent Quill points to your flanks. "No marks yet," he goes on. "You need to find your new purpose. Or not," Silent Quill says. "You've got time. You can attempt to, shall we say, 'exit the system' but you'll be respawned on the cobble road." [["How did I even get here?"|Question 2]] [["Who are you?"|Question 3]] [["How do I get out of here?"|Question 4]]

''What Will Today's Adventure Be?'' It may be the end of this adventure, but many more adventures await you now! There's no time like the present, you've been given a fresh start. You are a Phony! You now live in a world where virtually anything is possible, so don't mess it up! You must learn several key elements in order to better yourself as an individual: Kindness, Generosity, Honesty, Laughter, and Loyalty. Hopefully, with all these things combined, you can seek some kind of purpose in your life. Come and discover what that could be at <a href="http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/t.67570571/" alt="Join us!" target="_blank">My Little Phony</a>! [[Let's Play Again!|The Cobble Road]]

''The Other Trash Panda'' You inspect a trash... cube. It's firmly affixed to its place on the sidewalk. Upon closer inspection, you see that there are three spots for cans here, only one of which is currently occupied. The one occupied square has a dullish grey can marked "Standard". Icons and lettering on the others read "Glass","Metal", and "Plastics". It seems as though around these parts that if it can be automated it was going to be as automated as possible. It doesn't surprise you to see a driverless, robotic street sweeper go by as you stand there by the trash cube. No one seems to be around, it's very quiet save for the sounds of sparrows and starlings. [[Open the cube's lid and take a peek inside.|Trash Can 2]] [[Decide to leave it be and explore the neigh-borhood.|Stables 2]]

''Going Door to Door'' You explore the various houses in the [neigh-borhood]<c1|. (click: ?c1)[Just accept the fact that I won't stop calling it that.] Not all of them have well-manicured lawns or trimmed topiaries, but enough of them do to give the appearance of a quiant place to live. It's not surprising that you see a brick school here, and what seems to be a chapel there. If there's any sort of religion in Phonyland, you have no clue what it could be by just looking at the building itself. Between every three or four blocks, there are community gardens, dogwalk parks, giant fountains, fishing ponds, and a playground for the younger crowd. [[You decide you've seen enough and walk to the city.|Phony City]] [[Explore one of the chapels.|Chapel]] [[Go visit the nearest school.|Schoolyard]] [[Make a wish at a fountain.|Fountain]] [[Take a look at a garden.|Garden]]

''Going to the Chapel and We're...'' You make your way to the nearest chapel and finally see the first signs that there's actually anyone living in the neigh-borhood. There are monk and nun... -esque Phonies in little white, starched collars and some in stiff black hats or nun's habits. There are even ones looking something like Benedictine monks in burlap monk's robes, and then there are some in yellow wraps looking something like Buddhist monks. Both mares and stallions tend to their own business. Some are grooming bushes to look like perfect spheres, some are pruning rose bushes and training vines to grow on a trellis. Quaint white latticework decorates the bottom edge of a white church with genuine wooden siding. There's a formal dappled grey roof with tar shingles on the top with prim, white rain gutters on every edge. The clerics and holy folk keep it pristine constantly. There appear to even be priests and priestesses who also know how to wield a hammer and saw as there is a neatly sorted tool shed near a greenhouse. Not too far away are little rows of what look like those trendy tiny houses you've been hearing so much about. (*Wait... where did you even hear about that?*) Small homes no bigger than boxcars all side by side, each with a patch of lawn to itself. Their exteriors are all solid white, practically glowing in the sunlight. The only thing that differentiates one home from the next are the choice of plants. Small post boxes are to the left of every tiny front door up narrow steps. For such a serene setting, it's the busiest you've seen this part of Phonyland. If there's anyone who can answer your questions, it'd be these welcoming looking Phonies. [[Enter the chapel.|Chapel 2]] [[Find a nearby monk or nun to talk to.|Chapel 3]]

''Good-bye to Rosie'' You make your way to the nearest schoolyard. It's a real vintage looking place! Red-orange brick with large glass windows and two metal doors in a frame. Large letters on a sign by the front doors reads "Wide Rule Elementary". There's a statue of Wide Rule opposite the sign and a concrete walkway. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_43.png" alt="Wide Rule Elementary"> You make your way closer to the school's front doors. The nearer your get to the statue, the more you feel like those enormous sculpted eyes are following you. She stands proudly on all fours, a school pennant hangs around her neck. It looks recently placed in school colors. The pennant looks like a symbolic sheet of wide ruled paper, complete with painted on punched holes in black paint. In varsity styled lettering, a large "WR" in dark gray outlined in black and white. It moves from time to time silently in the breeze. The windows are slathered in the school projects of various classrooms. Different variations of the same image colored by various students, science fair project illustrations, math competition announcements. A Student Council made poster nearest the door reads "HORSESHOE DANCE, FRI. 5-7PM" in glitter paper and flowery decorations in thick, bold colored markers. It occurs to you that you don't even remember going to school, and yet you don't have any trouble reading any of the things posted in the windows. You come up closer to the glass and inspect the details in the written works. You look at your own hoof and wonder how these kids are able to even hold up any pencils for shoolwork, but there it is! There's no security lights, no obvious alarms go off as you just wander the grounds. There's a playground to one side, the entrance to a separate building that serves as the gymnasium and just outside it lies the running track. [[There's nothing really to do here, might as well head back.|Stables 2]]

''Pennies for your Thoughts'' You find your way to a wishing fountain. It's a simple, tiered fountain in poured concrete. The water flowing from it is suspiciously pristine. No bird poop, even! The bottoms of each tier sparkle with shining wishing coins, each coin is someone's wish. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_44.png" alt="the fountain"> It's almost as if someone was waiting for you to make a wish here, as there is a silver coin on the edge of the lowest tier. Here you can pick up the coin and make a wish. [["I wish I knew who I was," you say.|Who You Are]] [["I wish I was in the city," you say.|Phony City]]

''Growing in the Garden'' You pick a garden at random to inspect. There appears to be harvestable vegetables growing here. It's a neat, tidy garden with labeled rows of tomatoes, green beans, peas, carrots, and varieties of lettuce. Three large rows seem oddly dedicated to cucumbers alone. Odd. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_45.png" alt="dreams of food"> [[Head back to the main Stables area.|Stables]] [[Sample a tomato.|Garden 2]] [[Partake of a green bean.|Garden 3]] [[Chew on a cucumber.|Garden 4]] [[Nibble on a carrot.|Garden 5]] [[Eat some peas.|Garden 6]] [[Let us have lettuce.|Garden 7]]

''Is This Really Something You Need to Do?'' You open the lid and peek inside the trash can. Who knows what possessed you to do this, but here you are opening the lid to an unattended trash cube. There are no flashing lights or alarm sounds as you open the lid with minimal effort. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_20.png"> You peek inside and note that it's all rather meticulously packaged in smaller cubes wrapped in vacuum sealed plastic bags. It's so compact that its contents is near indistinguishable. You can't tell what's what, but you can guess that some of it used to be fruit peels or bits of old cereal boxes. It's a very large mishmash of many different things, nothing is sorted. You pull your face in closer and note that it doesn't even smell. None of that obvious garbage odor that you'd get from mundane garbage is present, at all! There aren't even any dead insects, the innards are pristine considering this is what's considered garbage. Because of this you have the courage to start letting yourself go in, both of your forelegs sliding in over the edge to try and pick up on the cubes. Curiosity is taking over and no one is around to stop you. Bending in the middle, you tug at a packed cube. In seconds, the trash can lifts up a few feet in the air! Your body half dangling off the edge, the can takes on a will of its own and shakes the rest of you into itself! You're being swallowed by a trash can! <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_21.png"> With a yelp, you are gobbled up by the cube. Its lid becomes a makeshift upper lip and it practically chews to keep you down. No one in any direction could possibly help you now. [[You're cube food!|Death]]

''Open the Doors and Here're All the People'' There's nothing in session as you enter. No wedding or ceremony, it seems, as the chapel pews are empty and neatly polished. It's clear they are all in frquent use, despite the fresh polish there are the dings and dents of wiggly foal's hooves and the one wobbling grandmother with her walker. There are rails behind each pew with a cushion for those who wish to kneel. How a Phony could kneel like that is beyond you and you start becoming curious as to if you could possibly do it yourself. The very notion becomes overpowering and without much hesitation, you slide yourself into a chapel pew and start trying to kneel. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_30.png" alt="chapel interior"> A nearby priest must have heard your grunting and fumbling about, because he comes to the edge of the pew and watches you in silence for a while before saying anything. "I never could kneel on those, either," he says so calmly that it makes you jump with an embarassed yelp. You plant your rear end firmly on the pew and look at him sheepisly. "Oh, I'm sorry!" he holds up a hoof. "I didn't mean to scare you. I was just saying that not everyone can even kneel on those rails. I've only seen very thin Phonies or foals able to do it. Frankly, I don't know why some insisted on putting those there." [["Who are you?"|Chapel Q1]] [["What is this place?"|Chapel Q2]] [["What god is worshipped here?"|Chapel Q3]] [["I need help figuring out who I am."|Chapel Q4]]

''Do You Need Anybody?'' You pick the nearest nun and talk to her. She's calmly sewing on a bit of clothing as she rocks in a wicker rocking chair near the rose bushes. "Excuse me?" you ask. "Hmm? Yes?" she's an elderly looking Phony, crow's feet on the edges of her kindly blue-green eyes. Her hair is greying, but you can see it was once a lovely shade of rose pink. "Can I help you, young one?" <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_23.png" alt="the nun"> "I don't have any idea who I am or if I have a house around here," you explain. "Is there anything you can do to help me?" She blinks at you, parsing what you've just said. Her mouth falls open a little, but then closes again as she inhales to speak. "That's a very odd predicament to be in," she puts down her sewing and furrows her brow. "You know," she begins, "my father was a physician. He said that people often forget who they are or are disoriented when something traumatic or very frightening happens to them." You are amazed that she doesn't hesitate to help you, it's a breath of fresh air. "If that's the case, my dear," she said, picking up her sewing again, "you need to see a physician, not any holy person. There may very well be other things wrong that you don't know about." Well, that makes sense. "You'll have to go back to the city," she explains. "There are signs all the way there or you can wait for the bus. The sooner you get to a doctor, I think, the better off you'll be." [[You thank her and head back to the city.|Phony City]]

''"Who are you?"'' You're doing your best to get out of the pew and failing. "I'm one of the priests, you can call me Father but it's not a requirement. My given name is Humble Prayer," he explains. "I perform sermons for an hour every Sunday. There's so many of us, we take turns. Some even speak outside, instead, if the weather is nice." He watches you in a passive, nonjudgemental kind of way. It doesn't stop it from being embarassing. [["What is this place?"|Chapel Q2]] [["What god is worshipped here?"|Chapel Q3]] [["I need help figuring out who I am."|Chapel Q4]]

''"What is this place?"'' "We call this the Reflection Chapel. You don't even have to pray, some meditate," he says. "It's always open for visitors, night or day. We just recently aqcuired a nocturnal cult." His eyes go wide for a moment, then he holds up a hoof. "Oooh, I didn't name it that, they *want* to be called a cult. 'Night Cultists', they call themselves. Since they're the only night time religion we've got here for now, there's not much chance to get them mixed up with anyone else." [["Who are you?"|Chapel Q1]] [["What god is worshipped here?"|Chapel Q3]] [["I need help figuring out who I am."|Chapel Q4]]

''"What god is worshipped here?"'' "No one god or gods," he answers. "Sometimes, no god, at all," he goes on. "It's open to any and all, no matter what. The point is to get yourself thinking and open to possiblities." You look at the window behind the altar. "But isn't that an angel?" "No, child, that's an Alicorn," he laughs. [["Who are you?"|Chapel Q1]] [["What is this place?"|Chapel Q2]] [["I need help figuring out who I am."|Chapel Q4]]

''"I need help figuring out who I am."'' "Well," the priest adjusts his coat and smooths his mane. "This is the place for spiritual enlightenment. The place to help you find your place in life, or at least think about how best to do that." "I barely know my place on the *map*," you explain. "I arrived today with no memories." "What do you mean?" he asks, not realizing you mean exactly that. "I mean I don't know my name, if I have a name, if I have family. I don't know where I live," you explain. "Oh! Oh, my!" he puts a hoof to his chin. "Well, this isn't the place for *that* sort of information. You need to get to a doctor! You could be pretty sick! I could take you there, myself, if you need help." [["Yes, please."|Clinic & Pharmacy]] [["Who are you?"|Chapel Q1]] [["What is this place?"|Chapel Q2]] [["What god is worshipped here?"|Chapel Q3]]

''Small Plastic Toys'' Any of the shops here would most likely contain the various objects in this one location. There's souvenir kitsch with all sorts of different decorative objects with seashells glued on and painted in clear varnish. There are lamps covered in cowries. Scallop shells holding pebbles and tiny beach chairs. You start to feel sad and curious about the dried blowfish, seahorses, and seastars until you read the sign. "All our dried sea critters are SYNTHESIZED. Produced locally with 3D printed technology and constructed of durable, biodegradable pulps and polymers are all painted with ecofriendly paints by hand/hoof! Support your local artists! Do not buy real dried sea creatures!" You see plastic jewelry and keychains on hooks in the shapes of shells, beads, and all with little tags with "Phonyland" in playful letters. Some can be personalized on a kiosk that prints the customer's name. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_26.png" alt="cheap plastic, tourist junk"> Shirts with beach related motifs all reading "Phonyland" or some pithy slogan accompanied with it. You start to wonder how Phonies even put on shirts. There's a sleepy, bored looking cashier at the register. He's watching television from a tiny flatscreen screwed onto the corner. It looks like it should have been connected to a security camera, but the owners or managers let the employees take certain liberties. He pays no attention to you as you browse the place. [[Try to steal something.|Shop Theft]] [[Head straight to the cabins.|Lagoon Cabins]] [[Head to the lighthouse.|Lighthouse]] [[Decide to hike it towards a road and head to the city.|Phony City]]

''All Made out of Ticky-Tacky'' The cabins look like something out of the 1950's, though the materials are far newer. Even the lit sign by the dirt road leading to them is a strange, kidney bean shaped thing in forest green and yellow lettering reading "Phonystone Park Cabins". There's a reception office just below the sign, but it's empty save for the security lights. Blinds cover each window and a sign is posted on the front door. "Cabins free for public use while out of season. Not responsible for missing or broken items, limbs, lives, etc. No indoor bathroom, please use the outhouse behind the cabin area. You must provide your own toilet paper and water. Clean water available from the well pump. Fire pit and barbecue areas always open. Must provide own fuel, food, and other supplies." The cabins are all unlocked and no one seems to currently be camping here. It's oddly clean and maintained, despite no one being here. [[Inspect the outhouse.|Outhouse]] [[Explore one of the cabins.|Cabin]] [[Visit a tourist shop.|Tourist Shop]] [[Head to the lighthouse.|Lighthouse]]

''Candle on the Water'' You wander towards a mid-sized lighthouse. It's mainly white and topped in red where the latern room is maintained. There seems to be no power lines leading to it, yet some security lights are visible near the lowermost door. You see a small wind turbine used for gathering energy, and a spattering of small solar panels on top of the small roofs of the boathouse and what looks like some sort of storage room. Everything looks well managed and the paint is bright. Native shrubs and flowering plants seem to have been cultivated near the walkway leading to the back door. A wooden sign near a wooden log path reads "Cast Aweigh's Lighthouse". [[Knock on the lighthouse door.|Lighthouse 2]] [[Visit a tourist shop.|Tourist Shop]] [[Head straight to the cabins.|Lagoon Cabins]] [[Decide to hike it towards a road and head to the city.|Phony City]]

''You're a Foul One'' In a sudden lapse of judgement, you go for the money in the donation bucket. Justice is alarmingly swift, you find, as a large and very heavy police baton comes crashing down on the top of your head. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_25.png" alt="bopped on the bean"> "STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!" was what you would have heard, but that didn't get said until well after you were knocked unconscious. It's just as well, because you were also kicked, stomped, and belted with a very full donation bucket soon after. [[You never *did* see stars or chirping birds...|Who You Are]]

''Oh, the Places You'll Go'' There is a cluster of travel agency booths here, each with no attendant or travel agent at the moment. At each booth, there's a table with free travel brochures. Pamphlets to places in and outside of Phonyland. As you sift through them, you realize that Phonyland is actually small compared to the whole of Gaia. There are places with names you've never even heard of and places that you knew of but you're not even entirely sure you knew you even knew it, at all. You get a strange, disorienting feeling for a moment and have to sit down. Your head starts to swim in memories, none of them are clear. You know where places are, where continents are, that there are things called "states" and "provinces" and such... But if you think to hard as to how you know that, it makes the dizzy feeling much worse. Forcing yourself to remember far back has made you unable to move much. "Oh, dear, are you okay?" says a random voice whose body it's attached to you can't make out. "I-I feel sick," you explain. "I feel nauseous. I can't remember who I am or where I'm even from. I took at look at these brochures, trying to figure things out and I got dizzy." "You've lost your memories?? Oh, my god!" says the voice. "Don't say another word, I'm going to help get you to a doctor!" [[You can't remember much else, but you are whisked away to a clinic.|Clinic & Pharmacy]]

''I Just Called To Say...'' You take a look at all the phone booths. Not a soul is near them except for you. Other Phonies have much higher tech methods of communication, like laptops and cellular phones. You wonder why a brand new building has such strange, archaic tech and yet it all looks brand new. You take a closer look at the molded plastic phones on the steel and aluminum boxes of the phones themselves. They all bear the Phonyland logo. There are no slots for coins and no coin box for change. A placed sticker on each box near the number pads reads: [[* Dial Information|Phone Information]] [[9+111 Bus Schedules & Hours|Phone Bus]] [[9+222 Free Advice Services|Phone Advice]] Or you can [[return to looking around the station.|Bus Station Interior]]

''Why Would You Do This?'' If you were known at all in this world, they would have henceforth all known you as a total fool. Even though the cashier isn't even laying eyes on you, the moment you try to filch a piece of tourist junk is when the long foreleg of the law comes down quite literally on your fool head. You swear you heard your eyes rattle around in your skull before you completely blacked out. Had you been there for any of the rest, you would have seen the one and only Prowl coming down on you like a barrel of rabid badgers. She's shouting something that sounds like your rights, but apparently she's apprehended you so hard you've not the slightest clue what all she even has said. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_28.png" alt="In the name of the Phoon, I will punish yoon!"> The cashier, however, is now wide awake and looking terrified at the brutality being unleashed upon you. He doesn't even know what happened, despite the small, plastic object inches from your grasp. [[Lights out, kid.|Who You Are]]

''High Tech and Low Brow'' You walk around the cabins and sure enough, there's the outhouse. It's exactly like an outhouse would look like in any cartoon or parody. It's a little wooden cabinet shaped thing, whose sole purpose is to offer you privacy so you can do your business. You open the door, with the cutout of the crescent moon on it to allow for some light (and aeration, phew!) to come in. It's a wooden shelf with a hole in it. It's supported with both wooden wedges and a heavy duty chain. There's a loop of rope attached to the wall that holds a newspaper print almanac, but more than half the pages have been torn out and used for toilet paper. Despite it's disuse, it doesn't seem to smell like much of anything. You marvel at that fact alone, as your curiosity takes over and you peek down the open hole. It's pitch blackness, but there doesn't even appear to be any sign of spiders or cobwebs. In fact, nothing around here has had anything like mice or insects in it. You ponder on why that is as you sit yourself down on the hole and see if you even have any business to do. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_36.png" alt="the toilet"> Nothing happens. You don't know whether to worry or be relieved. As you are about to get off and leave when you notice a peculiar lever. It reads, "Do not pull! For Maintenance use ONLY!" Well, dang, that's super tempting now. [[Think better about it and leave.|Lagoon Cabins]] [[Pull the lever, Kronk.|Lever Pull]]

''Cabin in the Woods'' It's odd seeing the woods so close to the beach, but since it's all manufactured and deliberately planted, arranged, and grown it makes a certain degree of sense to be able to change from one theme to the next so quickly. You start to wonder if it ever snows here. Seeing snow on the beach would be really interesting. Seeing how busy these cabins get during a busy season would be fun, too. As you push open the door, you find there's not even a lock but a just a bit of wood that slides down onto a little latch. A knotted rope is all that acts as a way to open the door. It seems safe and absolutely vulnerable at the same time. What if a bear just waltzed in and ate everyone? Or worse, what if an axe murder waltzed in and ate everyone? There's no bed, but a cot folded and leaning against the wall. There are cabinets and a basin. You'd swear it was a bonfied antique were it not for the Phonyland logos all over it. The basin is immaculately brushed steel and it's fed by a small water pump meant to be worked by mouth or hoof. You have the feeling that there's no hot water, at all. There is a single electrical outlet. If you wanted any light during the night, you'd have to feed firewood into the little potbellied stove sitting lonesome in a corner. There are no pillows, no blankets, no dishes or utensils. The decor would be practically Spartan were it not for the mounted and stuffed mountain lion head on the wall. A little rustic sign around its neck reads "I'm not real!" Weird... [[Take a nap in the cabin.|Cabin Nap]] [[Inspect the outhouse.|Outhouse]]

''Like Sleeping on Rocks'' You unfold the cot and decide to have a rest. It's awkward, too low to the ground, and a total pain to get in and out of. But you somehow manage to find a way to fall asleep and nap for a bit. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_27.png" alt="worst nap ever"> You have no idea how long you've been asleep, but the sun is still out. You get a quick drink of water before leaving again, having nothing else to really do in the cabin. [[Inspect the outhouse.|Outhouse]] [[Visit a tourist shop.|Tourist Shop]] [[Head to the lighthouse.|Lighthouse]]

''Interactive Toilets'' You couldn't help yourself, could you? Not for a moment did you think this could have gone badly? Well, it does and it did! Not a second after you pull down the lever, does the whole of the toilet seat you've been sitting on and the floor itself open up like a huge maw and you find yourself plummeting down. This is no rabbit hole, Alice, this is the crapper. You have literally flushed yourself down the toilet, I hope you're proud of yourself. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_38.png" alt="you've flushed yourself"> [["Who the hell makes levers like that?" you say as you sink into the abyss.|Death]]

''Land Lover's Lane'' You take the path to the back door. If it weren't for the path, you'd never even know there was a way to get into the lighthouse. Its boathouse is built in the lagoon and not towards the sea. The path is made of strewn logs, to keep the sandy path from eroding and to aid if you slip backwards when it's wet. It makes it tricky to walk on, but there are no large stones near here that could have been used in their stead. There are no exterior decorations or posts or fences, possibly because they'd get blown away during a storm. After a bit of a walk, you're knocking on the front door. As you wait, you hear a faint sound from inside. It sounds like steady thumping that grows louder and louder. You realize it's someone coming down from a long, inner stair a few moments before you hear the door unlatch and the hinges softly creak as it opens. "Yyyyes?" a Phony with a head of cloudy white hair and large, orange eyes peers out at you. [["I'm lost, can you help me?"|Lighthouse 3]] [["What is this place?"|Lighthouse 4]]

''"I'm lost, can you help me?"'' "Oh, only the lost drift to me," she sighs. "But I'm thankful for the company. You may come in for a time, if you'd like." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_31.png" alt="Cast Aweigh"> She opens the door and moves aside, inviting you in. You peer inside. It seems safe enough. [[Head inside.|Lighthouse 5]] [["What is this place?"|Lighthouse 4]]

''"What is this place?"'' "This is Cast Aweigh's Lighthouse," she explains. "I'm Cast Aweigh, my mother is Captain Knots. She is out at sea for a vast majority of the year, I only see her at Christmas or close to it. She owns a large merchant vessel and brings in imports then takes out exports at the largest dock that faces the sea. If anything needs to go to the city, I have to make a trip to the city from the tourist cabins." She's invited you in with an open door. [[Head inside the lighthouse.|Lighthouse 5]]

''The Spiraling Stair'' There is next to nothing to the base of the lighthouse, save for a small space that holds some nondescript crates covered in tarpaulin and a coat rack holding a set of those iconic sailor's coats and floppy hats made of waterproofed canvas and a full gunnysack filled with who knows what. You make your way up the stairs, following behind Cast Aweigh. She doesn't say much save for "Please excuse the mess." There's no real mess to be seen, though, even in the living quarters. The whole of her living space is a floor just below the lens and lantern room. It consists of a woven rope hammock, a pot bellied stove, and a desk by way furnishings. Everything else is either a crate or a stack of paper. Her table is an old shipping crate with an aged bith of cloth. There are patches all over it in various bits of cloth and mismatched thread. There's a vase as a centerpiece, but the flowers are made of paper and wire painted in watercolor. A kettle is boiling water on the stove and she starts to rinse some cups in the tiniest sink you've ever seen. Next to it, a small toilet that appears to be just a bowl and a handle attached to pipes. "This is my humble abode," she says with another long sigh. "It's small, but I have a remarkable amount of tea from all over the world." [[You sit down and have tea.|Lighthouse 6]]

''Tea and Cakes'' You have a nice cup of tea at Cast Aweigh's home within the lighthouse. She happily volunteers information about the lighthouse, how her mother delivers various goods, and how she survives all by herself near the sea. "But what about you?" she says, pouring you another cup. "Where do you come from? How did you get out this far?" "I got lost, I *am* lost," you explain. "I don't know who I am, what my name is, or if I've even got any family. The last thing I remember, I was standing in the middle of a road in front of a sign." "You don't know anything beyond that?" she blinks at you, astonished. "Oh, you poor thing! Why didn't you go to a doctor? Or the police station?" "I... didn't know that was an option," you admit. "Well, I can mark them on a map for you. You really should get to the city as soon as you can. You can rest a bit here, but I insist on calling for a truck to get you to the city." It's not long until you are dozing under a blanket and Cast Aweigh is calling on an old landline telephone. The moment you wake up, she takes you down the stairs and loaded into a truck (along with some things she had been meaning to send to the city, anyway). [[You climb into the truck.|Shipping Truck]]

''Hauly's Shipping Truck'' "Howdy!" says a Phony sitting (rather oddly) in a shipping truck. "The name's Long Haul, but you can call me Hauly. My brother Short Trip and I bring stuff to and from the docks and the city." "Hi," you say, trying to figure out how best to sit in the passenger seat. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_32.png" alt="Long Haul"> "Ain'tcha ever been in a truck?" he looks at you and chuckles. "I don't know," you admit, finally settling on sitting in the same odd way he is. "I don't remember." "Well, then, where can I take ya?" [["The Police Station, please."|Police & Fire Station]] [["The Doctor's, please."|Clinic & Pharmacy]]

''Dial Information'' You decide since it's all apparently a free service, that you'll call Information. It's not long until you hit the key pad and then panic as it's ringing as the realization sets in that you don't even know what to even ask! <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_33.png" alt="looking dumb"> "Mmmmyes, hello, this call may be recorded for records and to help us improve this service free of charge. This is Kevin at Information, how may I help you?" "K-Kevin??" you stammer, your curiosity getting the better of you. "Not *Unhelpful Sod* or *Uninterested Party*?" There's a pause on the other side and then a reply comes to your ear. "We're assigned human names to seem friendlier to those outside the Phonyland property. I don't think I've ever met anyone named Unhelpful Sod while I've been here," the voice says calmly. "It's easier for an outsider to remember 'Kevin'." "So what's your actual name?" you ask. "You don't need to know that," the voice sighs. [["But this is Information," you insist, feeling cheeky.|Phone Information 2]]

''Places and Times'' It has to be the driest, most lifeless automated robo-voice you've ever heard (or remember hearing) in your strange life that you hear on the line as you dial for bus times. "*-BRRRT!-* BUs stA-tion timEs ArE aS foLL-ows..." It actually went "brrt", you notice, as you sit and pay only half attention to the schedules and times and destinations. It's utterly boring stuff and you're not entirely sure why you're still listening to it somewhat as you look around the station and see people going about their day. Then something gets your attention. "ThiS izzzz~ YouR FRiend-LY STA-tion MaSteRrr~ FI-Nal DES-Ti-na-tiOn with todAy'sss BUs Sche-dule. PleAse ComE a-gaiN and thaNK Youuu F-For CHOO-sinG PhonyLAND Bus SER-vi-ceS-es." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_33.png" alt="looking dumb"> You hang up, eyes wide in the realization that it wasn't a robot but someone's actual voice. You think. Were there robot Phonies? Were you a robot Phony? You didn't talk like that! Your eyes are bugging out as you stare at the phone. [[* Dial Information|Phone Information]] [[9+222 Free Advice Services|Phone Advice]]

''Advice Booth'' You punch "9" and then "222" like the label says and wait for the phone to ring. Any advice at this point would be welcome, right? "Hello, this is an automated free advice service brought to you free by Phonyland and a number of corporate sponsorships. We offer you free advice on a constant loop for as long as you hold the line. You are welcome to stay and listen at your discretion for as long as you'd like..." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_33.png" alt="looking dumb"> You're parsing all that was just said when it cuts into the constant stream of various soothing voices that sound vaguely patronizing, though you can't figure out how. "...are a special individual, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. *This advice brought to you free by Phony Bubble Cola, 'When life sets you adrift at sea, simply blow bubbles.'" ...Well, this is quickly making no sense, at all. "Hello, you are a wonderful person/place/thing," says a new soothing voice. "If you are feeling lost or lonely, you can always pick up the line and listen to many friendly voices to keep you company in what seems like yet another humdrum, dismal day." No wonder this drivel is free. Even "Look both ways before you cross the street." would have been worlds better than what you've been listening to on this line. You hang up in frustration. [[* Dial Information|Phone Information]] [[9+111 Bus Schedules & Hours|Phone Bus]]

''What I Am is What I Am'' There's another long pause before an answer comes through. "Well, you got me. My name's Book Bound, I'm a college student at Phony-U and you have about five more minutes until this free consultation is over. Is there anything else you'd like to know?" "How do I find out my own identity?" you say, feeling more comfortable about this whole situation. "Pardon me, what?" "I don't know who I am, I've lost my memory," you say. "I need help figuring out who I am and why I don't have any recollection of anything." "Well, I honestly can say I can't offer you *that* sort of information," Book Bound/Kevin admits. "I'd suggest having your DNA examined and checked against the archives at the local clinic. You could go to the police first, but all they'll do is give you more paperwork and send you to the clinic's test lab, anyway. So skip the middle-horse and go straight to the doctor's." You thank "Kevin" and hang up. You can either make another call or head out of the station to the Police Station or the Clinic. [[Take his advice and get to the Clinic.|Clinic & Pharmacy]] [[Don't take his advice and go to the Police Station.|Police & Fire Station]] [[9+111 Bus Schedules & Hours|Phone Bus]] [[9+222 Free Advice Services|Phone Advice]]

''"No, thanks, I'm okay with walking."'' "Suit y'self," the Phony inside shrugs. "Maybe I'll be seein' ya around." You watch as the truck takes off, the side of the truck reads "Packit Shipit Parcel Company". While it was nice of them to offer, you'd rather have more options as to where to go. [[The Police & Fire Station is a few blocks over.|Police & Fire Station]] [[The Clinic which is nearby.|Clinic & Pharmacy]] [[It's a bit of a walk to the Train Station.|Train Station]] [[You could try begging at the Sandwich Shop.|Bakery & Sandwich Shop]][[The Travel Agency could be interesting.|Travel Agency]]

''You're Not the Boss of Me'' Against anyone's better judgement, you start to go towards the mountain. You'll likely die of exposure if something or someone else doesn't get you first! But off you go, like the reckless creature you are... It's pretty peaceful here, with sparse trees as the land isn't as fertile here as it is the closer you get to the forest. Tough shrubs and grass is the only thing that's growing here right now. Being that you're technically of the equine variety, if you were hungry enough you could eat the grass here and probably be okay. Probably. [[Sample the grass.|Eat Grass]] [[Partake of a shrub.|Eat Shrub]] [[Look around for something else strange to eat.|Look for Food]]

''Needs Salt'' You lean down and that a mouthful of patchy grass, some of it is fresh and some of it is dead and dry. Your teeth, apparently, aren't used to roughing it and you have to give it a tug with all four feet planted into the ground. After a few forceful yanks, you manage to end up with a mouthful of grass. Congratulations? <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_40.png" alt="eating grass"> You start to chew, grass essentially seems to taste like it smells. It's got flecks of dirt, it's somewhat sour in places as you've also picked up a few weeds. You didn't think to check to see if anything else was growing in with it, apparently, in your rush to prove how much of a tough character you were. You don't even think of it until it's halfway down your throat. There are some funky aftertastes and you stand there wondering if you should go for another mouthful of grass when you feel your stomach starting to protest. Part of you starts to realize that there aren't any wild creatures out here eating grass. It's fairly tall here with no deer or bison or elk or anything or anyone like that as you feel something hit the pit of your stomach. There aren't even any birds or ground mammals here. Oh, dear. Your skin starts to feel tingly after five minutes, you're getting the cold sweats as your intestines start to refuse to digest anything. Congratulations, you've got what's sometimes called "the trots". Being a horse shaped individual, this is a suitable label. You rush behind a bush, as though anyone were here to witness it, and start to spew disgustingly out both ends. It's five hours of this until your organs start giving out. This was not the most humane way to destroy yourself. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_41.png" alt="painful death"> [[You should have just ordered out.|Death]]

''Needs Dressing'' You look for a nearby shrub to sample. This really isn't a good idea, just so you know. It's never advisable to eat something you're not familiar with, yet here you are like a fool putting your face into a random bush nearby. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_39.png" alt="eating shrubs"> Still, it doesn't taste too terrible. In fact, the leaves taste something like a sour kind of lettuce. Having not thrown up yet, you keep mindlessly muching away at it and have a look at your surroundings. There's not a bird or other creature in sight as you stand there chewing on who-knows-what. You're not five minutes in until you feel your stomach refuse this meal and it feels as though a million tiny gnomes are silently stabbing at you from the inside. You're on the ground and curled into a ball, groaning and rolling about. A not-so-healthy looking foam is forming around your mouth and if you could see the skin of your own body, it's looking rather green. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_41.png" alt="painful death"> Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, because this particular bush you've just sampled seems to be something rather toxic. Why is everything here out to kill you? [[So you don't eat it, stupid.|Death]]

''Everyday I'm Trufflin''' You decide to take your time studying the place and notice a few things that seem awry. Firstly, there are no other animals out here! Not a one! There aren't any birds, insects, small mammals, or even any large ones as your eyes scan across the landscape. How odd! You swear you can hear birds in the long distance, but there certainly aren't any here. You wander the tall grass when your foot gets caught on something sticking out of the ground. You give it a tug, pulling whatever it got stuck on up with it. Amongst the dirt and roots, you see what you've unearthed! A bone! A... very large bone. With a... hoof still attached to one end. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_42.png" alt="rest in pieces, Lucky Foot"> Yuck, it's a horse's foot! There's still a patch of skin and fur, looking to be what used to be a cheery shade of rose pink. The hoof itself has what remains of its polish, as there's still flecks of star and heart shaped glitter. Rest in peace, whoever this was. You set the foot down where you found it and wipe your hooves in the grass. Someone not only died out here, but was also never found. It's still entirely up to you if you want to find something edible around here, but personally, I wouldn't do it. [[Sample the grass.|Eat Grass]] [[Partake of a shrub.|Eat Shrub]] [[Head towards the forest.|Forest]] [[Venture towards the plains.|Plains]]

''"I need help, I've lost my memory."'' "What, seriously?" he looks at you, thinking you're just kidding. "Yes, seriously," you reply. "I have no memory of what my name is or where I live. I came here for some help." "We can have your DNA traced, if that'll help ya," he suggests. "We do it for missin' foals all the time, though you're a might older than a lost kiddo. It'd be easier, though, if'n ya had a microchip. Come here," he says, pulling your shoulders towards him and looking at your back quite suddenly. "Wait, what are you-?" "Hold still, cowpoke," he says. "Lemme look and see if ya have any kind of tiny scar between your shoulder blades. If'n ye ever been chipped, it'll be there." [[You humor him for a moment, looking embarassed.|PF Station 3]]

''Maker's Marks'' No one else even looks your way, thankfully, but you can feel your cheeks getting hot. "Hmmm, not a scratch on ya!" he looks puzzled. "In fact, not even standard manuphacturer marks, that's odd! Are you a knockoff?" <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_48.png" alt="not a scratch"> "WHAT??" "N-now, don't getcher dander up," he says. "You may be an unofficially created product, in which case it ain'tcher fault. We'll just getcher to the clinic an-" "Product!??" "Steady, steady," he continues. "Just hop in the truck an' I'll get one-a the fellers to send ya to the clinic, no fee." [[You grugingly agree, with lots of questions still in your head.|Clinic & Pharmacy]]

''Stop Right There, Criminal Scum!'' Before you can even hit the last of three randomly pushed buttons, you feel something come down on you like a ton of screaming, kicking bricks. "HALT!" is all you managed to make out before you were knocked out with a large police baton. Supposedly, your rights were read (or rather screamed) to you. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_28.png" alt="In the name of the Phoon, I will punish yoon!"> [[You are out for the count.|Who You Are]]

''Tomatoes'' You pluck a tomato from the vine. Nothing terrible seems to have happened to you. No one even seems to be about to care, so you take a bite into it. Mmm! It's sun ripened and tangy. You imagine this would go great in a salad, pasta sauce, or a pizza. That was lovely, should you try another? [[Head back to the main Stables area.|Stables]] [[Partake of a green bean.|Garden 3]] [[Chew on a cucumber.|Garden 4]] [[Nibble on a carrot.|Garden 5]] [[Eat some peas.|Garden 6]] [[Let us have lettuce.|Garden 7]]

''Beans of Green'' You pluck a pod of green beans. They look lovely and plump. Not a soul appears to get after you, so you sit down and munch away. They taste... green. Is green a flavor? They aren't bitter or sour. In fact, they are somewhat sweet and have an interesting texture from outer skin to inner bean. You imagine it'd taste better boiled with some salt and perhaps some butter. Suddenly, you seem to recall something. Your eyes widen and you take another bite, hoping it will spark an actual memory. Instead, only ideas and shapes throw themselves about in your head. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_46.png" alt="remembering"> *Stepping into someplace cold, but you were taller. How could you have been taller? You can't see anything around you, only that it smelled like cold air and... metal? Steel and a medicine... a syringe coming towards you, the sense of fear of the unknown...* [[Head back to the main Stables area.|Stables]] [[Sample a tomato.|Garden 2]] [[Chew on a cucumber.|Garden 4]] [[Nibble on a carrot.|Garden 5]] [[Eat some peas.|Garden 6]] [[Let us have lettuce.|Garden 7]]

''Cucumber Cuties'' You're fairly certain no one would miss one of the *many* cucumbers you see growing on this part of the garden. It's disproportionally large, you think, compared to the other vegetables. You can't imagine why anyone would need so many of them, so you don't feel too hung up about eating one. You sit down and bite into one. It's aromatic and refreshing! It's like a cool drink and a food all in one package. You can't remember the last time you ate and you almost can't rememeber even eating anything, at all. There are a great many things you can't remember, but biting into this cucumber seems to bring something back... <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_46.png" alt="remembering"> *A meal on a metal tray? Slices of cucumber, chopped lettuce... The smell of a kind of dressing... Vinaigrette? It was transluscent and yellow with herbs floating in it. There were tall bars...? Were you someplace with bars...?* You start to feel kind of queasy thinking too much about it. You do your best to shake it out of your thoughts as you decide to try something else. [[Head back to the main Stables area.|Stables]] [[Sample a tomato.|Garden 2]] [[Partake of a green bean.|Garden 3]] [[Nibble on a carrot.|Garden 5]] [[Eat some peas.|Garden 6]] [[Let us have lettuce.|Garden 7]]

''Crunchy Carrots'' The carrots are both in purple and orange. The purple ones look the most enticing at the moment. You have no trouble pulling one up and wiping the dirt off with your hooves and your own pelt. What's a little clean dirt? You just let yourself bite into a little earth as you eat the purple carrot. It's only then that you realize there was an outdoor faucet and watering hose just a few feet away. Oh, well... The carrot is sweet and lovely. It crunches quite satisfactorily and it looks amazing on the inside. It's like a vegetable geode! You'd love to have your hair dyed this color, if you could. [[Head back to the main Stables area.|Stables]] [[Sample a tomato.|Garden 2]] [[Partake of a green bean.|Garden 3]] [[Chew on a cucumber.|Garden 4]] [[Eat some peas.|Garden 6]] [[Let us have lettuce.|Garden 7]]

''Peas on Earth'' It's time to sample the peas! You're pretty hungry, you realize, as you sit and help yourself to them. You crack open a pod and eat them one by one, they're pretty large for peas. Nothing terrible seems to befall you, so you enjoy the sunshine and free food. There's probably something really healthy about sitting in a garden eating food off the vine. You're almost certain someone smelling of patchouli and wearing hemp is going to show up to cheer you on... but no one like that appears. You begin to wonder why, for such a bustling place, that there isn't anyone about. There must obviously be pholks about to tend this garden, but there's no sign of life besides the plants. Maybe it's the time of day. [[Head back to the main Stables area.|Stables]] [[Sample a tomato.|Garden 2]] [[Partake of a green bean.|Garden 3]] [[Chew on a cucumber.|Garden 4]] [[Nibble on a carrot.|Garden 5]] [[Let us have lettuce.|Garden 7]]

''Lettuce Try'' There are a variety of lettuces to choose from. You pick something very green and give it a taste. It's cool and crisp and would probably be good with a fine vinaigrette. *Vinaigrette...?* A memory bangs you on the side of your head. A real memory! In your excitement, you take another bite. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_46.png" alt="remembering"> *Yes... It was a small meal, wasn't it? They couldn't even grant you a good sized meal. They said something like 'It'd be more for us to clean up if you puke before you go.'... You remember that being really cruel, even though you... Wait... what did you do? Where were you going??* The memory fizzles suddenly before it can really take root again. There's large chunks missing. Really large chunks. In fact, thinking too hard about it is making you feel like blowing really large chunks. You put down the lettuce and decide something else is in order. [[Head back to the main Stables area.|Stables]] [[Sample a tomato.|Garden 2]] [[Partake of a green bean.|Garden 3]] [[Chew on a cucumber.|Garden 4]] [[Nibble on a carrot.|Garden 5]] [[Eat some peas.|Garden 6]]

''I Just Called To Say...'' You take a look at all the phone booths. Not a soul is near them except for you. Other Phonies have much higher tech methods of communication, like laptops and cellular phones. You wonder why a brand new building has such strange, archaic tech and yet it all looks brand new. You take a closer look at the molded plastic phones on the steel and aluminum boxes of the phones themselves. They all bear the Phonyland logo. There are no slots for coins and no coin box for change. A placed sticker on each box near the number pads reads: [[* Dial Information|Train Phone Information]] [[9+111 Train Schedules & Hours|Phone Train]] [[9+222 Free Advice Services|Train Phone Advice]]

''Places and Times'' It has to be the driest, most lifeless automated robo-voice you've ever heard (or remember hearing) in your strange life that you hear on the line as you dial for train times. "*-BRRRT!-* TRaiNnn stA-tion timEs ArE aS foLL-ows..." It actually went "brrt", you notice, as you sit and pay only half attention to the schedules and times and destinations. It's utterly boring stuff and you're not entirely sure why you're still listening to it somewhat as you look around the station and see people going about their day. Then something gets your attention. "ThiS izzzz~ YouR FRiend-LY STA-tion MaSteRrr~ ChoO ChugGeR with todAy'sss TRaInNNn~ Sche-dule. PleAse ComE a-gaiN and thaNK Youuu F-For CHOO-sinG PhonyLAND TRaInN SER-vi-ceS-es." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_33.png" alt="looking dumb"> You hang up, eyes wide in the realization that it wasn't a robot but someone's actual voice. You think. Were there robot Phonies? Were you a robot Phony? You didn't talk like that! Your eyes are bugging out as you stare at the phone. [[* Dial Information|Train Phone Information]] [[9+222 Free Advice Services|Train Phone Advice]]

''Advice Booth'' You punch "9" and then "222" like the label says and wait for the phone to ring. Any advice at this point would be welcome, right? "Hello, this is an automated free advice service brought to you free by Phonyland and a number of corporate sponsorships. We offer you free advice on a constant loop for as long as you hold the line. You are welcome to stay and listen at your discretion for as long as you'd like..." <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_33.png" alt="looking dumb"> You're parsing all that was just said when it cuts into the constant stream of various soothing voices that sound vaguely patronizing, though you can't figure out how. "...are a special individual, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. *This advice brought to you free by Phony Bubble Cola, 'When life sets you adrift at sea, simply blow bubbles.'" ...Well, this is quickly making no sense, at all. "Hello, you are a wonderful person/place/thing," says a new soothing voice. "If you are feeling lost or lonely, you can always pick up the line and listen to many friendly voices to keep you company in what seems like yet another humdrum, dismal day." No wonder this drivel is free. Even "Look both ways before you cross the street." would have been worlds better than what you've been listening to on this line. You hang up in frustration. [[* Dial Information|Train Phone Information]] [[9+111 Train Schedules & Hours|Phone Train]]

''What I Am is What I Am'' There's another long pause before an answer comes through. "Well, you got me. My name's Book Bound, I'm a college student at Phony-U and you have about five more minutes until this free consultation is over. Is there anything else you'd like to know?" "How do I find out my own identity?" you say, feeling more comfortable about this whole situation. "Pardon me, what?" "I don't know who I am, I've lost my memory," you say. "I need help figuring out who I am and why I don't have any recollection of anything." "Well, I honestly can say I can't offer you *that* sort of information," Book Bound/Kevin admits. "I'd suggest having your DNA examined and checked against the archives at the local clinic. You could go to the police first, but all they'll do is give you more paperwork and send you to the clinic's test lab, anyway. So skip the middle-horse and go straight to the doctor's." You thank "Kevin" and hang up. You can either make another call or head out of the station to the Police Station or the Clinic. [[Take his advice and get to the Clinic.|Clinic & Pharmacy]] [[Don't take his advice and go to the Police Station.|Police & Fire Station]] [[9+111 Train Schedules & Hours|Phone Train]] [[9+222 Free Advice Services|Train Phone Advice]]

''"Do you know anything about missing identities?"'' "Golly," the baker blinks. "Hadn't ever really thought about it!" "I figured," you sigh. "You're missin' your identity??" Cherpumple inquires, he seems genuinely interested. "How'd ya go an' do that?" "I don't know," you shrug. "I woke up with no memory of who I was, with no money and no idea where to go." "Gee, that's awful!" he says. "Say, you should go to th' police, they got records on darn near everyone in Phonyland! If you exist, at all, they probably have somethin' on ya there!" "Everyone has a police record here?" you blink at him. "Sure! It's so's we stay safe, so the nice officer and nurse with the ink pad and syringe said when I opened shop," he muses. "Was a *biiiig* needle, too. It smarted fer ages." He rubs his rump absently as he's recalling. [["What's that green bread there?"|BSS 2]] [[Decide to head to the police station.|Police & Fire Station]]

''"Just looking, I don't have any money."'' You don't have time to argue. By the time you start to protest, he's whipped up a ham sandwich with sprouts, cheese, and mayo. "Don't argue, eat it," he insists. "My son loved this sandwich as a kid, it's got a little bit of everything! You'll get all your vitamins and minerals in one sandwich. Besides pizza, I think sandwiches are the perfect food! You can put anything on either!" "Okay," you give in and start eating. You find you've finished the whole thing before you realize it. You were hungrier than you thought! "Good, huh? Good for growing foals," he nods sagely. "Now you can adventure on a bit longer!" [["Do you know anything about missing identities?"|BSS 1]] [[Thank him and head back out to the main part of town.|Phony City]]

''"What's that green bread there?"'' "Oh, that's my spinach bread! It's good when you don't like greens in your sandwich, but still want to eat healthy! It's spinach mixed into the bread dough with seasonings like pepper, salt, onion, and garlic. It's pretty good all by it's lonesome. Or with toasted and dipped in olive oil. Or-!" "Stop, I haven't eaten, I'm broke, and starving," you say, clutching at your stomach. "Well, golly, I'm not gonna let you plod off without something in your stomach!" Cherpumple says, reaching into the bakery display. "I insist you have a sandwich!" [[Huh??|BSS 3]] [["Do you know anything about missing identities?"|BSS 1]]

''Water for my Horses'' You mosey over to the trough, eager for a drink of clean water. There's nothing too unusual about the trough. It's a metal trough with minimal leakage and it's been empty for a while. You have no trouble opening the faucet and letting water run freely into the trough. It takes a few minutes before the trough has enough water in to drink from. The water is fresh, cool, and only slightly tastes of chlorine. Little birds and a few ground squirrels approach, unafraid and very thirsty. They don't seem to mind you near, at all! Some even perch on your rump as you drink from the trough. Congratulations, you're a fairytale prince(ss)! The trough, you notice, looks big enough to bathe in. Maybe the sparrows have the right idea. You don't seem to have a way to carry any more water with you. [[Drink your fill and keep exploring.|Plains 3]] [[Take a dip in the water trough.|Plains 4]]

''The Waterin' Hole'' You look around the watering trough. Small ground cover plants grow around it. There's nothing that looks edible nearby. If there ever was anything to eat, it would have been picked clean by the local wildlife. You pick a direction and you see a small, short wooden sign. There's hastily painted skulls and crossbones in white and red lettering on it. It says, "DO NOT GO NEAR THE MINE! YOU WILL DIE!" Well, that seems like simple enough instructions, it's best to completely avoid going there. [[Head towards the mine.|Plains 6]] [[See what else you can discover, and possibly live through.|Plains 5]]

''Rub a Dub Dub!'' A Phony in a tub! You crawl in and gasp for a moment, getting used to the cold water. It takes a while before you get used to it and since you've got no soap or shampoo, you just start rubbing water on your head, muzzle, and other various places that could probably use some cleaning. It's quite refreshing and you find yourself humming. It's at this point that you're completely unaware of the humvee modified and loaded with tourists, along with the driver and a tour guide on an intercom. A voice on loud speakers is what alerts you to the fact that there's anyone out there, at all. "And here to your left is one of the many places we offer our touring groups to water their trail animals, or themselves, as part of our nature trail travel pack-!" All eyes are on you, you stare back. You hear young children laugh, even the bored teenagers stop to crack a smile. The elderly shake their head at you in a disappointed way. Parents quickly try to cover their children's eyes, even though there's really nothing much to see but a soaking wet Phony in a water trough. "Moving on," the tour guide quickly motivates the driver to keep going. "We're on our way to the cultivated cactus garden and rock sculptures! Featuring various works of living art and rare specimens of cacti generously donated to us by the Chamber of Commerce!" They leave as quickly as they came, but... now you know there's a garden nearby. It's a while in the sunshine before you're dry enough to move on. [[Keep exploring.|Plains 3]] [[Find out about this garden by yourself.|Plains 5]]

''The Prickly Garden'' You have found your way to "Cactus Slim's Prickly Garden", or so sayeth the big painted sign above the old Western styled building. It's a wooden building, made to look like a wild west general store. There's even wooden chairs on the raised walkway. There's a hitch for horses, which seems silly considering you're technically horse shaped. It doesn't seem to have stopped the owner from putting up a crudely made and painted horse complete with a saddle up and tied to the hitch. Its eyes stare out in two directions at nothing, it's even smiling. Oh, well. At least it's happy to be there night and day. There's quite a few tourist humvees coming and going to this place. It's a garden of sand, cacti, and rock sculptures. Everything looks well maintained and there's a gift shop, a small cafe, and a place to take long hiking trails for exploration or camping. You see a troop of Phony scouts on their way to one of the trails as you look around. It'd be a nice place to visit... when you figured out who you were... or perhaps, when you had money. [[Follow a trail back to the city.|Phony City]] [[Explore the plains a little more.|Plains 9]]

''The Old Mine'' Because you are foolish and can't contain it, you wander towards the old mine. Just as promised, it's an entrance. It's boarded in a criss cross of old and new looking boards. It seems to have been broken and reboarded several times. There are old and slightly newer memorial markers of other stupid folks who didn't heed the warnings and went in. [[Read some of the markers.|Plains 7]] [[Head on in to your doom.|Plains 8]]

''Here Lies...'' Having never found any remains, there are only markers for those who stupidly lost their lives going into a place they were clearly told not to go. You decide to read the markers and see just who died. "Here lies Rusty Nail, died of the dumb instead of tetanus." "Here lies Dirt Bucket, died from following Rusty around." "Here likes Roach Motel, dead from a series of bad ideas." You start to wonder if they really were named that, or if they really existed. Who names their kid "Rusty Nail"?? What if your name is just as ridiculous and you don't know it yet? You wonder if all this is just a scheme to get you to think it's really all that dangerous. [[See what else you can discover, and possibly live through.|Plains 5]] [[Head on in, despite it all.|Plains 8]]

''Down, Down to Goblin Town'' You pull of all the boards marked "DANGER!" and things like "DON'T BE STUPID!" and the ones labeled "ARE YOU NUTS!??" with a few tugs here and there. Leaving them in a heap behind you, you wander into the mine. Without a light, rope, or even a pick, you enter the tunnel and have a look around. There's a railway, intended for carts, along the path. You don't see anything like a lantern, so it's dark as pitch in here. It's fairly quiet. Now would be the time to go back. [[Keep going.|Mine]] [[See what else you can discover, and possibly live through.|Plains 5]]

''Roamin' Around'' You pick a direction and you see a small, short wooden sign. There's hastily painted skulls and crossbones in white and red lettering on it. It says, "DO NOT GO NEAR THE MINE! YOU WILL DIE!" Well, that seems like simple enough instructions, it's best to completely avoid going there. [[Find a trail back to the city.|Phony City]] [[Head towards the mine.|Plains 6]]

''Into the Dark'' You venture further into the mine. It's so dark that you can no longer see the entrance behind you in the distance. The darkness seems to wrap itself around you. You feel your way along with your flanks, tail, and hooves. Your ears pick up a strange skittering sound. Maybe it was just some rocks coming loose. Since your body is so shiny new, your eyes are starting to adjust and you can make out a few things. Interesting! Though, there's not much to see. It's just beams, dirt, rails... more dirt. There's no real tunnel, it just keeps going on and on. The skittering seems to become more frequent as you keep venturing. It sounds like insects, but you don't see anything around that looks like any bug. You turn around to see if you can backtrack, but... Whoa! You don't remember the tunnel veering off the way it is now. It doesn't look familiar, at all. There's not even any hoof prints in the dirt from where you were walking. Only the tracks immediately next to you look fresh. What's going on? [[Nothing to do but move forward.|Mine 2]]

''Winding Paths Below'' You have no choice but to keep moving on. The sound is getting louder, but you can't see anything near. What's making that sound? As you look around, your vision appears to warp and wobble. Is it really your eyes or is the tunnel changing? You can do nothing but stare and you witness the tunnel behind you shift and suddenly your old hoof prints appear and are gone again. Dust on the rails seems to appear and reappear. Sections of the rail shift from shiny new to ancient and falling appart. In one instant, an actual mine cart appears with a miner pushing it along. The distant sound of workers is heard and then gone again. There's lantern light and then there isn't! It dawns on you the tunnel is shifting in time! And you're stuck in it! Any way you go now can place you in another pocket of time. You're about to choose something new when suddenly... ...Your body crumbles instantly to dust! You've aged so quickly that you skip all the messy parts in between and you're a sorry pile of grey dust. You would have solved the mystery of how people died if you weren't already gone yourself. Well, at least you won't be doing that again... or wait, yes you will. Over and over again, forever in trapped in time. Whoops! [[Rest in Pieces.|Death]]

''The Forest for the Trees'' You explore deeper into the forest. It's filled with a variety of seed birds, squirrels, hawks, crows, and all manner of small creatures. They seem to be quite content and unafraid. They're going about their daily activities with no interest in your being there. It's a passive part of the woods, so it seems. There's animal trails heading off in various directions before disappearing past the trees. According to your map, the further north you go, the closer you will be to the river that brings the water from the mountains down past the plains and forest and into the lagoon. And also the further from civilization you'll be, but hey... [[Decide to head north and look for the river.|Forest 3]] [[Explore a bit more in the woods.|Forest 4]]

''The Cool, Cool River'' You manage to have a relatively uneventful trip through the woods, north to the river. The river is moving fairly quickly here, it's rushing along with little to stop its flow. Only strong salmon and trout would be able to live in this part. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_53.png" alt="in the forest"> You can't see anything like a bridge here, no logs that conveniently have fallen over to form one, and there are no markers here to tell you what goes where. You can stop and inspect the river some more or pick a direction to go along it and head towards the lagoon or the plains. [[Go closer to the river's edge and look in.|River 1]] [[Follow the side of the river to the plains.|Plains]] [[Venture the other way towards the lagoon.|The Lagoon]]

''Race for your Life'' You scoot slowly to the edge of the river. The water is moving faster than you estimated and the sound of rushing water is almost deafening where you're standing. Water splashes up from time to time, forming a fine mist of cool water. It's quite refreshing. You're enjoying the sensation, which seems to distract you from the fact that your footing is giving way from your weight. It's not that I'm calling you fat, it's that this place is *really* muddy! WHOOPS! Your body just crumples, and you fall into a sitting position. You slide like a slippery fish down the side of the river and into the river itself! Looks like you're in a for a ride! [[Wheeeeee~!|River 2]]

''Twigs and Leaves'' You're traveling along with little to stop you now. There's traces of other Phonies, though. You find random rest areas with little campsites and clearings for fire pits here and there. No water or food left, alas. There doesn't appear to be much but tree after tree after tree after... You here something strange, like the deepest throbbing from the largest subwoofer you can imagine. The trees are shivering and the ground around you seems to be shoved downwards as a gush of wind pushes down and outwards with you in the center of it all. The sound is almost unbearable. You look up and see a large, circular object coming down upon you at an alarming speed. It's too large to be a helicopter and you don't see anything like the blades of any plane. It's a UFO!! Oh, wait... no it's a hovercraft! A really high tech looking craft, at that! "Stop where you are! Don't run! You are being apprehended for your own safety!" [[Say "Screw that!" and run.|Forest 5]] [[Stick around to see what happens.|Forest 6]]

''"Screw that!"'' You shout ineffectively at the hover vehicle and make a run for it. "I said STOP!" the voice from the craft shouts. "Dang it," the voice mutters before the thing goes after you, throwing leaves and bits of dead branches everywhere. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_50.png" alt="run like the wind"> It's not long before the hovercraft is right over your head and a net is deployed over you. You trip a few times and find yourself neatly rolled into the net like a Phony shaped burrito. Congratulations, you're now hopelessly entangled. "I told you to stay put!" "No, you said 'stop where you are'," you grumble. "Shut it! I've been looking for you all day!" a shape you can't quite make out in all the netting covering your face says to you. "You know who I am!?" "Of course, I do! Now I've got to drag you like a sack of potatoes!" You feel a sharp, painful sensation in your flank before you lose consciousness. It appears you've been tranquilized and being taken out of the woods like an animal. Well, technically, you are an animal, but you know... [[Where are we going?|Who You Are]]

''Go Ask Alice'' "My own safety!?" you call up. "You're the scariest thing here!" "Thank you," the voice calls down. "Come with me and I can get on with beating people up!" "Where are we even going!?" you say as the hovercraft drops down a long rope ladder. "Out of these gross trees," the voice over the speakers say. "I'll take concrete over this allergy zone any day!" It's not long before you are whisked upwards and placed in what looks to be a holding cell. There's nothing restraining you, but you can't help but feel like this isn't going to go quite so smoothly. "What's this room?" you ask at no one. "You're being tranquilized, for your own safety!" says a voice as a wet mist shoots into the room. "It's not poison, but you'll wake up with one HECK of a headache, ha ha!" The more outraged you get, the more of the stuff you take into your lungs. It's not long before you have passed out. [[Why, though?|Who You Are]]

''Rollin' on the River'' It's a struggle to keep your head above water, but some sort of built in instinct is in you apparently. You're paddling like a pup with all legs and it's not doing much to get you out of the river, but at least it's keeping you afloat! You can't really see where you're going, but the odds are you being flushed down all the way to the lagoon! <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_51.png" alt="in the water"> The water is so cold and your muscles are getting tired from struggling so hard to stay upright and breathing. After a while, the water calms down and you're near to giving up. Your eyes are barely even open anymore when you feel something lift your whole body up! "Well, well!" says a booming voice somewhere above you. "I've caught a sad, wet horse!" Sad and wet is a vile accuracy. You can't tell who's even speaking as you're struggling to stay awake. Feeling that you're not in the water, your body decides it's time for a nap. [[Nap time.|River 3]]

''Strange Bedfellows'' You wake up slowly, your body feeling as though it had been hit by a truck. A cold, angry truck that swore you called it fat. Your whole body is shaking, but as you open one eye you find that you're not freezing to death and actually comfortably warm. Where are you? You lift your head and look around, but you find a face full of very large feathers. "Finally up?" says that same voice you heard before knocking out. "Wh-Where-?" you stammer. "You were drowning, so I pulled you out," the voice says and a very large head that looks something like an owl's turns around and peers at you. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_52.png" alt="the hippogryph"> "Whoa! Who are you!?" you back up and trip on the creature's back legs. "You've got horse's legs!" "Only on the back," the creature says. "I'm a hippogryph, half bird and half horse. Don't ask how *that* works, my parents were hippogryphs, too, and they never mentioned any full birds or horses in the family. I mean, I assume there *are* some, because obviously..." She notes the odd look on your face. "My name is Heavenly Down, I live in these woods. I invited myself, no one noticed or cared. Despite it all, this has to be one the safest woods anywhere. And the rabbits are good." [["I'd like to get down, please."|River 4]] [["Can you take me to town?"|River 5]]

''"I'd like to get down, please."'' "Not so fast, you've been knocked around pretty hard," the hippogryph explains. "You may not see it, but I can. You're covered in bruises! You should wait a bit and eat." "But what can I eat up here?" you shrug. "I don't eat rabbits." "I'm not a complete hermit," the hippogryph explains. "Park rangers and scouts don't know I'm here, but I know where *they* are. Raiding their food caches and supply boxes is a great adventure by itself." When she moves, the wing that was wrapped about you uncovers you and you realize you're in the most massive nest you've ever seen! You're many feet above the ground. You venture to the edge of the nest and look down. It would be suicide to try to jump or climb at this point. "You should eat before you go on," Heavenly insists. "I've got packages of dry food. There's dried deer and turkey meat, it's good! And I found some canteens I've filled with good water. I've even managed to pilfer some bags of chips, I hope you like barbecue flavor because I've got a whole bag." You have a strange lunch with the hippogryph, who seems happy for some company. You explain your situation as you fill up on camp food. She explains that she doesn't make cook fires and that if you want a hot meal, you'll have to venture into a camp site on your own. You say you'd rather get out of the woods, having had enough of it for one lifetime. [["Can you take me to town?"|River 5]]

''"Can you take me to town?"'' "No, but I can get you do the road that leads to it," Heavenly says. "Or you can get to the lagoon and see what you can see there." "Thank you for rescuing me, you've been so nice!" "Oh, it's no trouble," she nods. "It's not often I get to fish out Phonies from the river! That's something to tell the hatchlings one of these days!" After a good meal, you're whisked to the road. Markers say it leads to both the lagoon and the city. You thank Heavenly Down again and she leaves back to her home in the forest. [[Head to the lagoon.|The Lagoon]] [[Take the long trek to the city.|Phony City]]

''A Horse with No Name'' "No name, the lost memory Phony," a door is pushed open and a nurse looks at you expectantly. "That's me," you sigh, getting up and following her into the clinic rooms. "We're just going to check your vitals and weigh you," the nurse says. It's business as usual for the nurse as she brings you into a clinic room and takes your temperature and blood pressure. Nothing about your form has seemed to faze her yet. Seeing a Phony in full scrubs looks strange to you, but the pattern is a pleasant pink with printed kittens all over it. Her work tag on the lanyard around her neck reads "Tender Touch, RN". "The doctor will be with you soon," she says simply and leaves you sitting on the exam bench looking lost. [[It's a grueling ten minutes before the doctor arrives.|ClPh 3]]

''The Doctor is In'' The doctor arrives, in her white labcoat tailored for a Phony. It's got large lapels, room for the clip holding the charity pins and embroidery with the Phonyland logo and name. "Hello, I'm Doctor Where's It Hurt," she says. "I understand you've completely lost your memory?" "Yes," you nod. "I've got no memory of what happened to me before I found myself in the middle of a road." "Well, if you're anyone we know, your bloodwork and a quick chip scan will show us everything about you." "Bloodwork?" "Yes, we take a small sample and with some lab work we'll compare your DNA to our archives. Because we have such good tech around here, it takes about half an hour as opposed to a half a year. The computers around here are phenomenal, it pretty much allows us to get our jobs done a little faster. Some of our pharmacists are even robotic, it's astounding," she goes on, checking your breathing with her stethoscope. "Hmm, you're a bit malnourished and dehydrated," the doctor says. "Your quick analysis using your pelt hair says you're not on record, but that could be a fluke. The DNA quick scan isn't always reliable, it's just there for faster diagnosis. You have no drugs in your system, nothing in this says you have a medical history..." [[You submit yourself to bloodwork. Ouch!|ClPh 4]]

''It Hurts When I Do This'' Nurse Tender Touch can only do so much to make it not sting and that needle really stung! After a blood draw, you're brought into a scanning room and it's a big one! The doctor wasn't joking, the bigger examination rooms are completely high tech. This part of the facility is loaded with real and virtual viewing screens. Some are projections onto any flat surface, some are free floating, some are there for who knows what. "Okay, now, if you'll walk through this scanning tunnel," a technician says. "We'll see if and where your chip is situated." The puzzled look on the tech's face is enough to tell you this won't end well. He calls in another technician, she shakes her head. They call in a more veteran technician... it's about four or five techs in until they call the doctor. The doctor is puzzled, but does her best to look calm. "Well, that might explain a few things, no name Phony," the doctor diagnoses. "You may be a knock off or an illegally manuphactured Phony. It's possible the counterfeiters may have panicked and dumped you somewhere to avoid getting caught." "Counterfeit!??" you exclaim. "How is that possible?? I wasn't just born? I don't have a family??" "While you were being scanned, we ran some DNA comparisons and-" You're about to come out of the tunnel when a Phony in a policeman's uniform bursts in. The doctor and the technicians stare, eyes wide. "Halt! You're being confiscated and brought back to the factory!" [[Resist and run!|ClPh 5]] [[Give up and go.|ClPh 6]]

''Run, Rabbit, Run'' You try to make for the nearest door, but Prowl is part ninja or something because she's on you and dragging your carcass away in just a few short seconds. She orders the nurses to sedate you and it packed a serious punch. <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_50.png" alt="run like the wind"> [[You are out like a light and being whisked away.|Who You Are]]

''Give it Up'' You give in and go without resisting. You want answers and this may be the only way you ever get any. If you were constructed, maybe they'll take pity on you and not have you deconstructed. Prowl orders the nurses to sedate you and it packed a serious punch. "This is for your safety and mine!" she says, but you're not aware enough to know she even said anything. [[You are out like a light and being whisked away.|Who You Are]]

''One Man's Trash'' You decide there'd really be no harm in at least looking. I mean, someone has to open it to get stuff into the dumpster, right? You're casually opening the lid of the dumpster and about to look in, entirely unaware of the little automated robot that's bringing in the next round of trash. It happily ignores your very existence and starts pushing compact cubes of double bagged garbage against and practically up your rear end. It's humming a tune! "Hey!" you shout at it. "Stop doing tha-!" <img src="http://cosmicjive.org/images/Phork/PhonyPhorkIllus_49.png" alt="dumpster diving"> It pays you no mind and shoves you and the rest of the refuse into the can. You're about to protest when the lid comes down like the heavy sheet of metal that it is and clamps itself shut from the outside. It's not long before you suffocate and are quite noiselessy carted away in an automated garbage pick-up unit to be incinerated. [[Ashes to ashes, I guess.|Death]]